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Tuesday 7th April 2020


If unfit 50 and 60 year old men are most at risk, a few weeks stuck in the house drinking beer should make us all flabby and drunk enough to be wiped out in one fell swoop just as the virus hits its height. Hooray!

My day to look after the kids. Can we go back to just doing half a day each please?
I had not had enough sleep which didn’t help, but even though I kept things to a bare minimum and wasn’t too strict about screen time, I found this very tough today, especially in mid to late afternoon. I thought I’d managed to settle both kids in front of the Little Mermaid (it’s educational as it teaches the kids about cultures under the sea, under the sea). Ernie got a bit bored and started playing with blocks. He ended up behind the sofa but I could hear him chatting away to himself and all seemed fine.
I became perhaps a little embroiled in the story of a fish woman who trades her voice for legs and when I looked at Ernie again he’d managed to pull up a coffee table, climb up a book case, get his hands on a little indoor fairy garden in which Phoebe had been growing pea shoots and thrown clumps of peaty soil around the room before dumping everything else on the floor.
He looked so proud of himself that it was hard to be too cross. And in truth I was more worried about the trouble I would be in for letting this disaster happen on my watch. “It’s just soil, daddy,” said my son, happily. 
It was entirely my fault that this had happened and I did my best to gather up the soil and clean up the room and try to replant the peas. Phoebe who usually takes the opportunity to create drama out of any situation where there’s a possibility that she has been aggrieved, didn’t seem upset at all and just wanted to help with the hoovering. But the whole incident crushed my spirit and made me yearn for 7pm when the nightmare would be over. 
Oh look, it’s lovely mostly. But I am glad I gave up drinking last year, not this one.
It was our 8th wedding anniversary today, though to be fair it feels like we’ve been in lockdown that long. I am disappointed that I got through the whole 7th year without any kind of itch, but delighted that my wife has stayed with me this long and that our love seems stronger than ever. I made a vegan chilli for dinner, which is usually a hit, but for the first time ever I somehow fucked it up today and it was pretty awful. But we drank champagne and had banana flambe and it didn’t seem to matter.
Even though it was our pottery anniversary I still didn’t play snooker against myself (no pottery - get it?) though I did manage a stone clear. The stone gods showed their displeasure and disrupted the recording, which was a shame as it was a day of high drama as I got buzzed by the farmer. I captured some of it on video. WARNING stone clearing is not usually this exciting.

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