Warming Up

The holiday is over before it began, but I feel like we made the best of it. A great mixture of sightseeing and trying to avoid Covid. Some proper relaxing, a bit of socialising and loads of fun with the kids.

More listening to the kids’ music on the journey home.

My 5 year old is a big fan of Katy Perry. I have been surprised to discover how filthy her songs, particularly as they are aimed at youngsters. Peacock (I wanna see your peacock, cock, cock, cock) is the most blatant, but they’re basically all about jizzing dicks. The kids can enjoy them on the level of them being about birds or fireworks or whatever, though I am not sure who the double entendres are aimed at. I love to listen to women singing about jizzing cocks, but I feel a bit uncomfortable when I’m with my kids and in-laws.

Sadly I think she loses her way with the metaphor a little with the hit Firework.

The chorus goes

"Cause baby you're a firework

Come on show 'em what your worth

Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"

As you shoot across the sky-y-y”

Ignoring the fact that Oh and sky is not really a rhyme, the way she does the ohs is totally at odds with the noises made at a firework display. She does a good impression of someone enjoying being ejaculated upon, but that is not the noise that people make at the fireworks. It should be “ooooh, wow, ahhh” and maybe a surprised “uh”. You can’t let the double entrendre break down to that degree. 

And if you do, you might as well throw away the pretence that you’re talking about fireworks and sing about how you love spaffing knobs.

It’s true that a young man coming to orgasm can send a spray of material across the room in a trajectory that is not dissimilar to the pattern of a slightly gloopy firework (sadly at my age the effect is more like a misfiring party popper where the ribbons plop out like turds or fold back on to the popper and go no distance at all).

The alternate version of the chorus says “C’mon let your colours burst”, by which, again, she means your testicles ejaculate. But again I think she’s struggling to make the imagery work. If it is a firework it’s one of the ones that shoots the same colour over and over again. If there is any colour in your semen then you should see a doctor. Though if you can get some kind of implant in your scrotum to inject paintball paint or glitter then I know one woman at least who will be impressed.

I just hope that Katy Perry hasn’t swapped the sounds she makes whilst orgasming for the sounds she makes at fireworks displays. It makes the song Fireworks better, but I think it would make it difficult for her partner to make love to her.

I foolishly decided to do an Ally and Herring’s Twitch of Fun this evening. I didn’t have time to write the tight script and rehearse with Ally as I usually do, so we did the whole thing on the fly. It went on for ages. Which doesn’t mean it was good. Just that we couldn’t be stopped. Some new characters and the welcome return of some old ones. This thing will only grow.

You can watch it now on Twitch, but it will be up on Youtube and as a podcast over the weekend. 

After two weeks basically off my Twitch subs have dropped a little, maybe unsurprisingly, so don’t forget to resubscribe. If you’re with Amazon Prime, it’s free to give me money. If you haven’t done it yet, then this video will explain what to do.

Relativity series 3 episode 4 went out today. You can listen to all four episodes here. 

And remember you can illegally download the first two series of Relativity as a podcast here 

This week’s AIOTM is delayed as producer Ben is on holiday and his Cornish broadband can’t cope with the size (or offensiveness?) of the show. Should be with you at the weekend.