6463/19383
I hate the fucking Dart Charge. This is the £2.50 payment it costs to go across the always shit and over crowded Dartmouth Crossing (they should pay us right, folks?) Rather than having toll booths like a normal toll charging road, you have to go online or ring up to pay. Which obviously you often forget to do.
They let you off the first time but I’ve already been let off once, so am fastidiously careful not to be caught out again.
But that won’t stop Ian Dart. He has deliberately made his website so shit and confusing that things can still fuck up. Catie attempted to pay the charge as we crossed on the way to our holiday and thought she had done so, but we got notice today that we hadn’t paid and so had a fine of £35 to pay.
On the way back she’d tried to pay online but the website insisted on charging us for a vehicle with more than 2 axles so we waited til we got home and I paid it.
The point is that the process is (deliberately?) convoluted (to generate income?).
I couldn’t be bothered to contest the charge so attempted to pay it on my phone, but once I’d been through the convoluted process it told me that my card had been declined. So I tried a different card and once again was told I had been declined. So I tried again. Still declined.
I was about to try again when a receipt came through saying I’d paid the fine. And then another one came through.
I’d paid twice. Due to the site telling me my card hadn’t worked. What’s the betting that it becomes too hard to reclaim the money and the Dart sharks keep it all for themselves? And then fine me again next time even though they owe me £37.50 (cos you pay the crossing fee too) and arguably another £35 because we had tried to pay anyway?
Surely they can’t get away with this nonsense. We should smash down the bridge and use the debris to fill in the tunnel until they bring in a more sensible payment scheme for the super casual user (and yes, I know you can register your car and have it happen automatically, but I use this crossing approximately once every two years and it doesn’t seem worth it- though clearly it would have been).
So that was an annoying bit of post to get.
But luckily there was something pretty amazing (and only slightly disturbing) in the post today as well. My management had forwarded on a gift for me. From the packaging it seemed like it was going to be a replica of one of the Lewis Chessmen. I have expressed my interest in owning one of the originals so thought that maybe one of my insane fans had bought me something from a gift shop (I already have three that I’ve bought myself).
But it was something more amazing than that.
Once I took it out of its bag I realised it wasn’t an original Lewis Chessman. At first glance it seemed to have a hideous and deformed goblin face. I looked again and realised that it was actually an accurate representation of my own hideous and deformed goblin face. I had been made into a Lewis Chess King and was sitting on a throne with RHLSTP written on the back.
Once I’d got over the shock I was pretty impressed with this. It was an amazing piece of work. It came from
sculptor Richard Ison who claimed to have dug it up whilst stone clearing (he had photographic evidence to prove it) and I suppose it’s just a coincidence that he is an amazing artist who would be capable of fabricating this object.
Why can’t all my insane fans be this skilled? It’s just a shame I didn’t get it earlier as it would have been a great object for one of the first rounds of Taskmaster.
On balance I’d still rather have an original Lewis chessman and the million pounds I would get from selling it. But it’s a pretty good consolation prize. Thanks Richard.
I only want stuff from super talented artists now.
If Grayson Perry fancies making a pot with my face on it and sending it to me I am cool with that.
