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Saturday 8th June 2019

6030/18959

We somehow alluded to my death at the breakfast table - I can’t remember how now, but Catie and me were casually talking about something in front of the kids, without really thinking and it involved me dying or not dying (sorry it’s very difficult to remember anything any more - I am so tired. It makes blog writing, even only 24 hours later incredibly difficult) and Phoebe said, “Is daddy going to die?”
That’s a big subject for a four year old. Do you lie and say "no, I will never die"? or do you say that everyone dies and shit her up or do you say it’s pretty unlikely for a little while. I think I went for a mixture of everything, just to make this as disturbing a first memory as possible and said “Eventually, but I definitely won’t die before you’re very old, so don’t worry.”
“But who will keep us if you die?” asked Phoebe. For some reason she uses keep to mean “look after” so I said, “Oh, mummy will still be here. So it’ll be her, as usual. Mummy will definitely never die.”
Catie wasn’t sure that that was a good things. “What happens to you when you die?” asked Phoebe.
“No one knows for sure,” said Catie, “What do you think happens?”
Phoebe thought about it and said, “I think you can go to the shop and then they can make you real again.”
It’s as good a guess as any.
Phoebe moved on quite quickly to the next topic. Don’t think she was too scarred by any of it. Death doesn’t seem like a real thing at that age. Not sure I’m convinced it really happens either.
As I thundered around the Park Run about an hour later, I worried what would happen if I keeled over right then. Would my daughter think that the conversation had somehow killed me? Luckily I stayed alive though and I didn’t lose anything this time. And Me1 took over 3 minutes off his PB and beat Me2 by over a minute with a time of 26minutes and 31 seconds. The conditions were much nicer this week - it was much cooler and  drizzly and there were about 100 fewer people there. I thought all this might mean I could finish in the top 100, but I came in 103rd. Still very pleased with the improvement though.
I don’t think I can run next Saturday as we’re heading off on holiday, so Me2 will have to wait for a Devon based beach Park Run the Saturday after. Which sounds like a tough one.

And after a couple of week’s hiatus I recorded another Me1 Vs Me2 Snooker podcast with the players fired up by a sexual grudge plus the race results. You can listen to it here. 


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