As the weather isn't really nice enough to spend much time outside, the experience of being at the health farm this time is a bit like being in an old folk's home or sanatorium. I am sitting around in my dressing gown, reading books and doing puzzles, which I imagine is how I will spend my dotage. I wonder how many years I will have to live to beat my high score on Yahtzee - today I achieved a goal I have been aiming for, which was to get four of a kind on each number in my top row (you only need three of a kind of each to get the bonus). Ultimately it would be great to get a Yahtzee in every box, but I might have to breed generations of Herrings who I will force to be dedicated to the game to achieve that. But once that is done and the highest possible score is achieved then at least my great-great-great-great-great grandchild will be able to put the game aside and live a full and happy life. Unless I leave instructions for them to complete every possible game of Freecell.
I finished my Brookmyre book this evening and we're three quarters of the way through "Deadwood" so I am really getting things done! If I win the lottery I am going to do an exact recreation of "Deadwood", except that the part of Lovejoy will be played by Jedward. It will be called "Jedward's Deadwood" and everyone else will have to act exactly as they did before, but Jedward can deliver the lines however they want, as themselves, with no attempt at even sounding American or scary and if they get bored of the script they can just say whatever they fancy or do a dance. I think it will be brilliant. But only if I recreate all three seasons of it. Just to do it as a two minute sketch would be rubbish. But it would be high art to spend three years creating something that would be amusing for about thirty seconds, then just awful and then, after about 28 episodes hilarious again. And it would be great to see how the other actors in it reacted off camera. Would they be happy to have work? Or just feel awful that they were involved in something so bad? And maybe there should be a feature where you have a little box in the corner which shows Lovejoy's face as he is forced to watch the whole thing. And I mean Lovejoy. Ian McShane would be forced to watch it in character as Lovejoy and that's what you would see. Or maybe in one box it is him as himself and then in another box it is him as Lovejoy. I haven't ironed it all out yet. It might cost quite a bit to get the actors to agree to this, but it will be a worthwhile legacy for my life if I could make it happen.
Anyway Deadwood is good, but not as good as Jedward Deadwood. That is dead good.
That will be the advertising slogan.
In the news I see that
Lacoste are asking the Norwegian authorities to stop Anders Breivik from wearing their clothes. They are claiming it is bad for the image (though I read in the paper that the serial killer is refusing to wear prison clothes and apparently in Norway there's nothing they can do about that - what if he refuses to be in prison? Do they have to let him go?). It seems an odd move by Lacoste because before this story came up I had not noticed that Breivik wore Lacoste and by complaining about it all Lacoste are doing is drawing attention to the fact. And it's bound to make you wonder if somewhere in a board room some coke addled PR person or advertising twat (no doubt wearing a Lacoste top with the collar up) thought this might be a good way to get some publicity for Lacoste. The kind of people I have seen wearing Lacoste (and there's been a couple at the slightly posh hotels I've been staying at in the last couple of weeks) look like the kind of idiots who might be impressed by an insane murderer wearing the same brand as them. Surely it's far-fetched to think Lacoste would use this as a PR opportunity and yet it's almost as far-fetched to think that they wouldn't work out that complaining about it would make far more people aware of the jumper of choice of this enormous prick. And as Lacoste, (as far as my own research has shown me) is exclusively worn by massive pricks (not necessarily murderous ones, but who you can imagine happily gassing people if their government told them to do it) it makes me think that maybe they want to make the ultimate prick the poster boy for the other pricks. Though Breivik I notice wears the collars down, whilst both of the pricks I have seen recently wear the collar up. Which makes Breivik less of a prick than them in one arena at least.
And now I have just further publicised Lacoste -either raising awareness of the thing they wanted to halt or promote depending on you point of view- and whilst I have said that Lacoste is only worn by pricks, if you are a prick then you will think, "Hey how come I am not wearing Lacoste?" and go out and buy some Lacoste. So Lacoste wins.
I think.
