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I stayed preternaturally relaxed throughout this day, even though I had a lot to achieve. Maybe having done all the other shows when it felt like I only knew them subconsciously I was ready to take the chance that my brain would somehow pull this off, or maybe I was just praying that the audience would make concessions and enjoy a bumpy and half-finished show. It certainly wasn’t the case that I didn’t care: I really wanted to give my only sell-out crowd a show that was worth £15, it’s just I was ready to accept it for whatever it was going to be.
Again I was freed up by not having another show in the theatre after me. I’d planned to do a short first half of a few of the routines that I’d had to cut from the other shows (and there were some good ones, which I hope, spoke volumes about how strong the shows were, if I could afford to drop material as good as this), but with no time limit I decided to aim for a 45 minute show of cut bits and other assorted odds and sods that had never been in stand up shows (including the opening to my first ever stand up set from 1989) and then after the interval see how close I could get to an hour of new stuff. I suspected it would be about 40 minutes, as that’s how much I’ve managed in previews, but I had some ideas on places I could improvise round ideas on stage and also as the deadline approached I was thinking of extra bits and pieces of stuff that I could add. I managed to write a conclusion that summed up my feelings on my struggle for happiness and remembered to talk about Laurie Lee and his relationship with his daughter and as much as I thought that this might be a bit rough, there was a part of me thinking that this actually might be quite good. The opening couple of routines have been done enough for me to realise there is something special about them and I started to feel that this might be overall quite an interesting and original take on becoming a father. Not flippant and distant like some dad jokes are, nor overly romanticised, but fairly honest about the joys and terrors of bringing a new life into the world and being responsible for not snuffing it out.
I went into it with the blasé mixture of confidence and ah well what the fuck that I’ve had to cultivate over the last five weekends and there was another electric atmosphere. The audience a surprising number of whom, by the survey I took at the start of the show, hadn’t come to any of the 11 shows, but a hardcore band of 29 lunatics who had come to every fucking one. It really helped that everyone wanted me to do well and I got a blazing reception, as I think maybe for once in my life I deserved. I can’t even get my head round the fact that I’ve managed this, even if I fell at the last hurdle. Dara O Briain had tweeted me to tell me he thought I would have gone mad by the 4th one, but the joke is on him, I was mad already.
The first half of odds and sods went very well and I sat in my dressing room, wondering what was to come. And as it turned out, aside from having to check the running order a few times, I gave a pretty good showing of the material I’ve brought together and it felt like a proper show. There are certainly bits that I want to expand upon and improve and it’d be nice to make a few bits of linking material funnier (or at least clarify the argument) but I ended up doing an hour of stuff, with a proper conclusion and laughs all the way through. Perhaps because I have been writing this whilst going over my old shows, it feels like I have learned lessons about what balance of material works, when to extend something and when not to, but there’s raw and dirty stuff, there’s still some of the edginess of material and there’s plenty of heart and emotion. It’s an honest look at fatherhood from a man besotted with his daughter, but terrified of all the stuff that can wrong and the new responsibilities of his life. I hope it’s a fresh take. There’s still a fair way to go before it’s the show I want it to be, but I am amazingly pleased with what I have managed to create, given all the other stuff that’s been going on. It’s been a remarkable ride and I am really glad I took it and still incredulous that I have got through it with so few scars.
And as if that wasn’t enough, the kickstarter ended whilst I was on stage and exactly 2000 had pledged to the podcast, raising £57,340, which is probably enough for us to film the first two episodes of series 9 as well as all of series 8. This level of support is just mind-blowing and the contrast with how I felt this time last year is so extreme. I hope I can make Happy Now? my best stand up show and am determined that the next series of RHLSTP will be better than this one (and it’s generally acknowledged as the strongest one). I have about as much chance of playing the Hammersmith Apollo in my own right as Jeremy Corbyn has of being Prime Minister, but our supporters have given us hope this weekend and I feel energised and ready to take on all the challenges that comedy and being a dad are going to throw at me.
Now to have a little bit of a break, but looking forward to what is to come and especially the Happy Now? tour.
If you got one of the 12 shows T-shirts, I forgot to take photos of some of them, I need two Christ on a Bike (without second coming tagline), one Oh Fuck I’m 40 and one What is Love, Anyway? (check downloads section to see if yours is a missing one). Ta.
