Nestle have done some despicable things in their time, but now they have gone too far.
I have for a long time now been a fan of the very refreshing and not too calorific Fruit Pastille iced lolly. It's five fruit pastille flavours on one stick working its way down from blackcurrant to lemon. It's nice if it's hot. It's nice if you're hungover. Goddammit it's nice any time of the day. They don't always have them at the supermarket, but when they do I like to load up with a few boxes to enjoy over the coming weeks and neatly because they go in my freezer I often forget they are there at all. I bought three boxes yesterday, but the man on the check out didn't say "Someone Likes Fruit Pastille lollies" which is a shame as it would have been true and I couldn't have defended myself. I had in fact cleaned the supermarket out. I noticed when I was buying them that the box claimed something along the lines of "Now with Pineapple flavour" and something within me quietly protested, but I didn't really take in the full ramifications until today, when I felt in need of refreshment and gleefully remembered what I had in the kitchen. It was fruit pastille lollies in case you were wondering. Twelve of them. Though I was only going to eat one. I would only rarely eat more than one in a day and never more than two and would guess my average fruit pastille lolly consumption (when they are available in my freezer) is one every three days. Over the year it comes down to more like two a month or something like that, because I don't often have them in. They are a treat. Not like a yoghurt which is more of a staple food.
Anyway I looked at the box a bit more carefully and saw that the pineapple flavour is actually a replacement for the lemon. I was suspicious immediately. Beyond the fact that they are both fruits and they are both traditionally depicted as yellow in sweet form the two flavours have little in common. Though I don't like lemon as much as blackcurrant or orange, it is the perfect taste to end the fruit pastille lolly experience on (and have the most of in volume) due to its refreshing qualities. Blackcurrant is probably the nicest, but to end on that would be too much and possibly a bit clammy and unpleasant. Lemon acts like a sorbet at the end of the fruit pastille lolly meal. Could pineapple do the same job? I think you already know that the answer to that is "No.... pineapple could not do that."
On opening the packet there was an unusual smell that was alien to the experience I have enjoyed so many times before. The smell was the smell of pineapple. Though there might have been the faint whiff of lemon back in the good old days it wasn't as overbearing as this sickly pineapple smell (and don't get me wrong, I quite enjoy eating pineapple the fruit, much more than I like eating lemon the fruit anyway, but in sweet form pineapple always comes out a bit too sweet and artificial for my mature tastes). I hoped it wouldn't impinge too much on my eating experience and to begin with it was mostly fine, though there was the faint taint of unpleasantness even at the first blackcurrant stage. But by the time I had arrived at the strawberry layer -usually a delightful change after two layers of citrus fruit in the orange and lime (or green flavour as it is more accuratly called) - the sickly pineapple had completely over-ridden the more delicate flavours and curtailed any pleasure that I might have had. And then there was a big chunk of pineapple lolly to eat at the end of all this. Not refreshing, not satisfying, just sharp and artificial like a lolly android. I can still taste it at the back of my throat even now. And the worst thing is I have another 11 of these abhorrations to get through.
I am against change in all snack and sweet related matters. This is why I will always call Opal Fruits, Opal Fruits whatever ludicrous name the manufacturers may try and foist upon us, this is why orange Kit-Kats would not cross my lips in the days when I ate chocolate, this is why I will not buy any chocolate and chew based bar (for my children when I have them, obviously I don't eat chocolate) until the Texan is back where it belongs on the shelves of our sweet shops. I don't know why Nestle had to do this, when their time would be much better spent trying to think of new ways to exploit and kill third world children. All I can say is that I will be launching a concerted campaign to get Fruit Pastille lollies back to what they once were (this may just be a temporary measure - I don't know. I can't bear to go and look at the box again)
Hopefully it will be as successful as my Polo campaign of 2003 (of which spookily today is the third anniversary).
Please join me in writing to Nestle to get Fruit Pastille lollies back to what they were. And as a PS ask them why they never replied about the spongy Polo idea.
PS Here is the email I have sent them "Why have you changed the fruit pastille lollies so that the lemon flavour has now been replaced with pineapple? These lollies were perfect before and the lemon a deliciously refreshing end to the eating experience, but now pineapple over-rides the other flavours even before you have got to it and is an unpleasant lolly ending. Please change the lolly back to what it once was."
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