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My suggestion for Brexit is we Brexit hard with no deal so we can’t get any food or medicine and the UK is declared a humanitarian disaster, so the EU is forced to send us assistance for free. Who’s in? Aside from parliament obvs.
I am attempting to railroad my way to the end of the first draft of my sitcom script in the next day or so. I kind of hoped I might do it all today, but it defeated me and there’s much that needs to be sorted. But my wife very kindly allowed me to sleep in til 8 to give me a chance to catch up on sleep (even though she needs to catch up too) and for the first time in a long time I slept for over 9 hours. Sleep while you’re single and childless folks. I know you’ll just waste your sleeping time carousing and fucking. But trust me. Just sleep. It’s the best thing in the world.
You get all the excitement you will ever need in your dreams, your chance to escape your humdrum life and do anything you want.
In theory at least.
I’d woken at 5, but managed to get back to sleep, at which point I had a very long dream about being in America - exciting hey? Except the dream started with me parking up in a carpark and then going to the machine to try and buy a ticket. And then failing to get the ticket machine to work properly. First of all it was giving me a ticket for the wrong time, starting in a day or so and then for much too long a time period and then when I finally saw that you had to slide the timer to now if you wanted to park immediately (I mean who’d be at the car park and arranging parking for next week?) I realised that the previous transactions were still on the system and I was being charged for parking three times. And it was a few hundred dollars. I was really keen to get my exciting day in America off to a start and yet I was also aware that I couldn’t just throw away money on parking that I didn’t need. So I kept searching for a way to delete the previous transactions, but had no luck. And in the dream at least this went on for fucking hours (and I woke up at 8, suggesting that it was possible the dream had gone on for 3 hours, even though science might tell you that all your dreams happen in seconds at particular points of your sleep cycle). I never got out of the car park. I never resolved the issue.
To be honest a dream about just going for a coffee on my own and reading a newspaper would have been escapist enough, but I had three hours where I could have rested up in reality and in my fantasy be an okapi-bumming super spy who blew up buildings and punched children in the face - with no repercussions. But instead my fantasy was to be trapped by technology in a car park. Admittedly the carpark was in a more exciting location than I am likely to be in for a while, but I don’t think this was a good use of my dream time. I am middle-aged so my life is without incident. Please don’t say that means my dreams have to be too. They are my only escape from the Hell of reality.
As I was working I got a call from 08080000133 which I assumed would be some kind of spam so let it go to voice mail. But a message was left ad it turned out to be Chris Rea singing Driving Home for Christmas just for me. Not just a snippet - a good 45 seconds of the song. Sorry for call screening you Chris and thanks for the thought. Bit late though, but I guess you had a lot of people to get through.
