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Saturday 5th January 2019

5881/18901

OK, I am only 5 days in and we all know the inevitability of its ultimate failure, whether that’s within days or months or at the most a year or so (because we’ve been through this enough together in the last 16 years of this blog), but I am really enjoying being back on a diet. I always forget just how much you are allowed to eat, providing that you eat the right things. So today began with an amazing turkey stir fry (yes, for breakfast, but I am trying to eat as close to 1kg of veg a day and this is a great way to start), a fish pie for lunch (but I didn’t make this one, so had to only have a small portion) and then a smoked tofu stir fry for dinner (I don’t usually have two stir fries in a day, so don’t start saying “Someone likes stir fries.  Though my daughter had two yoghurts today and wanted a third. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree). The third meal was vegan (except for the fact we recycled a tiny bit of egg fried rice that the kids hadn’t eaten for their tea and would it have been more vegan just to throw that away?) and it was hearty and great and because I am annoyed by Piers Morgan’s pathetic anti-vegan crusade (there’s no way of defeating him- he is just doing it for attention and thinks he’s being edgy - and I wouldn’t be surprised if Ian Greggs - who actually is the creator of Greggs - had paid him to whip up controversy) I thought a good way to make a third of the people in the country essentially vegan would be if we all agreed to be vegan for one meal a day. Which would make us one vegan for every three people. Which would be significantly better than the proportion at the moment. I think you’d have to take it in turns as to which meal you made vegan and maybe you’d actually have to add in snacks and so actually have four people to make one vegan. Still 25% of the country vegan and you’re still able to eat meat….
I think after Brexit we might find that we are forced into this anyway (if you don’t count rats), but if that somehow comes off without starving us then we do need to start making the move over for the sake of the environment. And it doesn’t have to be a battle and we don’t all have to give up sausage rolls (because I wouldn’t want to upset Morgan), but there’s no doubting that eating more vegetables and less rubbish I am feeling a lot better than I was a week ago. And have a lot more energy.
Would everyone in the country go along with my one meal a day vegan plan? No they would not. Which is why I am going to become Prime Minister and make it a capital offence not to take part. Sure a few people will die, but one of them will be Piers Morgan. Also imagine loving meat and hating the world so much that you’re prepared to die in order to eat animal products at every meal.
I was, of course, vegetarian for over a decade, so I’ve already done my bit, but I am still prepared to give it a go. The tofu was ace, but to add a bit more excitement it had a best before date of 17th December. We know how to live dangerously. And I’d like my gravestone to state that I was the only man in the world ever killed by tofu.
Though I am not sure there is anything in tofu that can actually go off. And if it did it would probably taste better anyway! Am I right, Piers Morgan? No I am not, this tofu, even 20 days past its best, was lovely.
The last time I successfully dieted it was because the doctor had told me I had a 3%higher chance of dying of a heart attack in the next decade due to my weight (admittedly I was only trying to prove that the weight I had to reach for my optimum BMI was ridiculous).This  time I have realised that I am 51 and I need to be in shape if I want to see my kids ages reach double figures and more importantly get to do the “Oh Shit, I’m Sixty!” show. I’ve been doing lots of dog walks, some great stone clears and even a couple of runs. I managed to get up the hill by my house without collapsing, though it did take me five seconds to catch my breath at the top. But then I carried on.
I liked being thin and I liked being fit. I also liked eating and drinking what I wanted, though was never that delighted about being fat. But it doesn’t matter that I am, aside from the health side of things. I’m just marvelling, as I always do, that when you cut out sweet things and booze, how much you get to eat. Become a quarter vegan today. Who’s with me?


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