Warming Up

I love me. I am so useless. 

I had taken my bike in for a service after not having used it for about three years. It needed loads of work, including new brake cables. They seemed to do a good job on it. But I struggled to get it in the back of my car and heard something gently pop and when I get home I realised I’d fucked up one of the new brake cables. It’s probably easily mendable and if I had any idea of anything about from the humorous qualities of flatulence I could do it myself. But it was surprisingly disheartening to have taken this long journey through torrential rain to get a bike that I still couldn’t use. And would have to put back in the car and probably fuck up some more.

My incompetence weighs heavier than the cross that Jesus carried. And does nothing to save the souls of mankind. Though it does help to keep a succession of people working in various service jobs in money. 

You know when I said I love me. I meant I hate me. I am going to be as much use as a comedian post-apocalypse. Just my luck to live at the time of the apocalypse. Though to be fair if I’d lived at any other time than I do then I’d have been dead by the age of 18, so I can’t really complain.

In fact listening to Sapiens makes me realise just how fortunate I am to live at pretty much the only time in history that would allow me to thrive with my very limited talents. Thanks to all those humans who struggled to survive through the previous millennia and lived awful lives due to humanity’s foolish decision to cultivate wheat. The chances of existing at all are so small and the chances of being a person rather than a beetle even smaller and the chances of living in a place and at a time where there is medicine and food and jobs like mine are even smaller. The only logical conclusion is that I am not real and am a minor character in a video game or maybe just a dream. 

And so are you. 

And you’re reading this. Which makes you an even more insignificant character than me.

I finished a workable version of my script (but let’s see what everyone else thinks) before the deluge and the bike fuck up. And I’d also finally got round to booking the second guest for the Komedia Bath gig. Peter Lord, the co-creator of Morph and Morph himself will be joining me and Kerry Howard on 15th Feb. Not many tickets left, so book now Bath.