6291/19221
It was a slightly different International When’s International Men’s Day? Day for my last go. I was not working alone and I was observed both by my team and thousands of people on Twitch (apparently over 300,000 people tuned in at some point in the day). This might have made it a bit too much fun and I didn’t start my traditional break down until Sam, Gabi and Tom had packed up and gone and the whole thing got on top of me, allowing my tweets to become more comedically (and actually) deranged.
It had seemed during the day that there were far fewer people seriously asking the question - though lots of people either answering it or asking it with irony. I thought maybe the tide had turned and that my work was done. But post-6pm it was business as usual. I think, because it was Sunday, the idiots had just spent longer in bed.
We had bumped the total up to £20,000 before we started streaming and I was hopeful we might bring in £10,000 an hour, but after a brisk start things slowed a little bit, though we were pushing towards £60,000 by the time the streaming came to an end after 8 hours. I was relieved that I was safe from getting to a million and having to do it all again, but I had hoped we might beat our record. It’s hard to be disappointed when you have made over £50,000 for a day’s work though and that money will pay for 1000 nights of safety for vulnerable families. As I write we’re up to £72,000 on tiltify and made another £3000 on last year’s website too. In the four years that I have sought donations (foolishly I did this five times without thinking of getting paid- but I guess if I hadn’t it wouldn’t have seemed like such a big deal) this means we’re taken around £370,000 + gift aid (approx £80,000) - this is using a guestimate of about £15000 for three years ago when I just asked people to donate via the Refuge website.
You can still give here
I was pretty exhausted by 8pm and sent out my last tweet to a man called Nick. “Nick. You are the chosen one. I have chosen you to be the guardian of a sacred truth. The thing is, IMD is on November 19th. No other human knows, but you are charged to tell the world. Starting next March 8th. God speed my son. Mankind depends upon you. Don’t let us down.”
I hope he doesn’t let you down.
It felt very good then to delete my many searches for various spellings and punctuation of “When’s International Men’s Day?” From Tweet deck.
As always there were a few people giving me a hard time for making the day about myself, as if this task was some kind of joyful exploration of self love. Interestingly the ones I RTed seemed to be annoyed by the minimal attention they received - not sure if they than extrapolated that and worked out that maybe it wasn’t such a pleasure for me after all. The joke (or one of them) has always been that I set myself an impossible task, which I launch into merrily and then get increasingly frustrated by the tide of idiocy and the same bloody question, before I snap. Like I say, I am playing it for laughs, but it’s not hard to snap, because it’s a mentally exhausting thing to do. It was never really about mocking International Men’s Day in itself (though I occasionally have questioned the need for it), just the kind of people who think they are making an original and worthwhile point and letting them know that they are not original and should also use google before they make assumptions.
More than ever today I felt the task in hand was really just to convince people not to tweet about this on this one fucking day of the year. The stats show that for many people it’s the only time they think about it. But it’s rude to do it today, but what’s more it’s self-defeating. Because it doesn’t make it look like you actually want a day, it makes it look like you are only annoyed that there’s one for someone that isn’t you. The babyishness of this makes all men look bad. Decent, grown up men should all be stamping down on the babies (not literally) and making it clear that it’s not cool. It’s great for men to be sensitive, but to be whiny and pathetic like this.
A few men complained that International Men’s Day isn’t recognised by the UN, which is a real stretch towards outrage. Who cares what the UN recognise and don’t? Certainly not these people on any other issue. Another pointed out that there’s a Google doodle for women and not for men. That was my snapping point today - “Oh baby boy, didn’t you get a doodle. They didn’t give you a doodle. Why didn’t they give me a doodle mummy? Men’s Day is for men. Come back in 18 years baby baby bum bum.”
The vast majority of people get what I am doing and yup, there’s an irony in the fact that the only way I can attempt to stop men talking about International Men’s Day on International Women’s Day is to talk about International Men’s Day on International Women’s Day. But this is men’s problem and I think men should deal with it. Whenever you see this we need to step up. Let women have their day.
I am planning a new project though where I will try to encourage men to make a fuss about their day on their day. As I’ve been writing ever since Talking Cock, the expectations of masculinity that society puts on to us are insidious and a big cause of many of the issues that we have to deal with on men’s day. I’d love to make the day about fostering an understanding that we don’t have to conform to stereotypes, that women are our allies in the battle for equality and that we need to be better at discussing our feelings and insecurities.
Ultimately the meninists (who are right that men have many issues to resolve, but I think are largely exploring the wrong ways to deal with them) were not the ones who made me want to stop. I was more disappointed by the remarks from people (usually men to be fair) who were critical of me making the day about myself (even though they were then making me making the day about myself about themselves). I don’t think they ever really got the joke, but even if there was some truth to it (and I understand the criticism and paradox - I just know that I neither liked the attention and always directed anyone who wanted to interview me to Refuge instead) then surely the money and the laughter and the point I was making (the same one as theirs that this day wasn’t about men) made it worthwhile…. I joked that by pushing me towards stopping they had deprived Refuge of tens of thousands of pounds. In honesty I think I had to give up some time (but it’s hard to make that decision when it means denying a charity more funds) and this seems like the right time.
I still feel we can end this. It can’t be done by one man, or even the hundreds of people who also tweet about it, or a bot - it can be done by just calling people out on this when you see it. Because it’s not cool and it makes us all look bad.
You may call me a dreamer. But I am one who has freed himself from his self-made prison and couldn’t be happier.
And don't worry. I have a thick skin. I don't care about the haters (I only give the air time because doing so always increases donations - so thanks for that). I am of course proud and amazed that me doing something so stupid and self-defeating has raised so many thousands of pounds for a brilliant charity (plus the £10,000 for CALM last November 19th). Just by me sitting on my arse for 9 days of my life. Turning idiocy (mine and the internet's) into gold. It's clearly a brilliant thing and I'm glad to have been at the heart of it. And you should be proud of yourself (if you donated - otherwise, dig deep, tightwads)
