Final day of shooting for me today and my foodstuff this time was ice cream and apple pie. Luckily I didn't have to eat too much though. Despite my pretence that I could happily eat ice cream all day long, I knew that if I had to stuff it in my mouth for twelve hours it would start to sicken me.
I do have some words to speak as well in this. They haven't just cast me for my ability to eat - impressive as that is, though today I had the least to do and yet I still had to be in most of the shots even though my back was to the camera. It's at times like this that you really appreciate how difficult and tedious a job acting can be and though the profession is traditionally seen as glamorous actors do have to struggle through their days. It's ironic I supppose that most actors will spend their days sitting around waiting to get a job and then when they do get a job it mainly involves sitting around waiting for stuff to happen.
But we had fun chatting between takes and gossiping about people we mutually knew. Thankfully the cast is pretty much ego free (as much as actors can ever not have an ego) and so things stayed pleasurable and light. We were able to take the piss out of each other and pass the time (though one light crack I made at the expense of the director did fall flat - I overstepped a line and as such will never work in the film industry again). The assistant director had the thankless task of keeping the noise down on set so that various cats that are involved in the plot would not get freaked out and so that work could be done. But whilst the grown up crew doing all the proper graft, laboured hard, the childish actors kept up their scurrilous and crude banter (and I was probably the worst and most childish). Just like kids every time we were told to quieten down we would do so for about thirty seconds and then the volume would creep back up again. Technically it was a much trickier day today and things dragged on, but we ended up getting pretty much everything covered. I'd been worried about a scene in which the lads all took some cocaines in a toilet, because I thought I'd do it wrong and show up my naivety on this subject (you eat cocaines, right?), but luckily we just did the lines (and the lines) as wild track (which means we just recorded the sound and then they'll put that over the picture of the toilet door wobbling, so none of the other actors who almost certainly take drugs all the time and were probably on a few drugs during filming will know how inexperienced in the ways of the world I am.
And then it was over and we all went our separate ways. It's a weird profession. You spend three days in a Winnebago with people taking the piss out of Jeremy Kyle and talking about which famous celebrity can apparently perform fellatio on himself and then it's over and you might never see each other again.
It's enough acting for me for the moment. It was nice to have the change of scene and it was fun, but if there are any other directors reading this, next time give me a job which involves eating less mashed potato and in which I get to do some of the sex scenes. Even though my character gets to chance across two women kissing, I had to just record this reaction without really getting to see it taking place - luckily I have spent a lot of time imagining such a scenario and so knew how I would react. I have imagined it only in case I ever played a character who would have to see such a thing and not for my own prurient interests and anyone who says otherwise is lying.
