6382/19302
My daughter has her first wobbly tooth. The news almost made me cry. Not because I was that fond of her bottom front tooth, but because this is an important moment in the life of a human: maybe the first step from childhood to adulthood. Plus it will mean we are getting the first visit from the tooth fairy that I’ve been in the house for for nearly half a century. I wonder how the old girl is getting on. And when her appetite for children’s teeth will be sated. As long as she’s paying then who cares what she does with them?
Though I have told my daughter that due to lockdown the tooth fairy has been banned from coming into people’s homes so she won’t be getting paid. Then the plan is to sneak into Phoebe’s room before she wakes up, grab the money from under her pillow and be quid/s in. I don’t know what the tooth fairy is giving these days, but if it’s any less than two quid I am going to complain to the government. I can buy a couple of Soleros for that. If only they were in stock anywhere.
Phoebe had been looking forward to this day and she was initially excited, but then a bit freaked out and scared. As we should be about all things in life. I felt stupidly proud of her. She wasn’t really doing anything to be proud of, which is why I was as stupid as my pride. What a landmark though.
I don’t remember my first loose tooth. I remember losing some of them and the weird fun of them coming loose, sucking on them and feeling them move and then them popping out and freaky new teeth slowly emerging. Whoever was the first person to loose a tooth must have been pretty upset, until they felt the new one emerging.
Teeth are fucking weird, right?
The barbaric way they initially appear and then this bizarre twist at about 5 years where it turns out those weren’t even your real teeth anyway.
Who thought this shit up? It’s proof that God is a sadist. And probably only created humans so his shadowy colleague the tooth fairy could harvest children’s teeth for Him to roll around in whilst pleasuring himself.
It’s a theory.
