Twelve hours sleep makes the world look a lot better.
After my show I bumped into excellent Aussie comic, Sarah Kendall, who was talking to another girl I hadnÂ’t met before, who was called Prudence (I think). Prudence was wearing both a thin, feminine scarf and a chunky beaded necklace. Someone commented that her neck was overdressed. Prudence replied that she had put on the necklace to make day become night. I think she meant this in the sense of making a psychological distinction for herself between day and night. Putting on the necklace meant it was time to go out.
But I wondered aloud whether she believed that by putting on the necklace she actually caused the day to turn to night. And what a responsibility it must be to make sure she puts the necklace on every day at the right time. ItÂ’s no wonder that occasionally in her haste she would end up wearing a scarf as well.
I think she was being arrogant if she really believed that. I think it is much more likely that day and night are due to the earth revolving around the Sun, but as long as she puts on the necklace at the correct time each night there is no way to prove that she is wrong.
Yes, sure I could steal the necklace and throw it in a big burning bin. But then what if by doing so I doomed Australia to perpetual day (and presumably the Northern Hemisphere to perpetual night, though I donÂ’t know if they run on the same system, possibly someone has to put on some special socks to turn the night into day there, so it might continue to run smoothly)?
I would be in trouble, that’s what would happen. Everywhere I went there would be tired people pointing and saying “There he is, the day/night necklace burning bloke. Yeah, I liked the daylight, but not 24 hours a fucking day. Thanks a lot for ridding us of the night, you chump. I am being sarcastic in my thanks.”
It would be quite freaky if everyone said exactly that, but I think that they would all be so annoyed that they would probably send a card to everyone with that written on it and tell them all to say exactly that to me if they saw me. You know, just to rub in how stupid IÂ’d been.
Yet this is how most religions started up. Someone noticed that when something happened, it caused some cosmic event and began to believe that if the first thing wasnÂ’t done, then the second wouldnÂ’t happen. In Ancient Egypt priests masturbated each morning in order to recreate the day. But thatÂ’s one custom IÂ’m happy to keep going, just in case.
