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I had shown unusual foresight last week and booked myself a haircut for this morning. I was a bit early so popped into Waterstones to see if they were trying to shift my book ahead of time. And I found it. It was even on one of the tables amongst all the other popular piled high books. Mine wasn’t so much piled high, as just being one solitary copy on top of someone else’s pile. As if someone had picked it up somewhere else in the store, thought about buying it and then deciding not to. But if that was the case, good on them, because that one copy (with two days to sell) was in prime position and blocking the chances of a competing author from selling his work. It was James Felton’s “52 times Britain was a Bellend” and to be honest, I would have bought that ahead of my book, so I was glad to see it eclipsed by my one copy.
But nothing beats the thrill of seeing a book you’ve written in a bookshop (well, maybe curing Covid or getting married or having a wank would, but it’s still nice) and I thought I was to be denied that pleasure this time round.
And a couple of people tweeted me to say that their copy has arrived already and one person has asked me to email the thing that I say I will email if asked (and I emailed the thing) so it’s out in the wild. It’s done. I did it. Let’s see what people think of it. Or if they read it. It’s number 3000 in the Amazon chart so I guess it’s making waves already!
I did a gig tonight for
The Bike Project. It was online, of course and I could see the “front” row who gamely chuckled along and joined in, aware that the camera was on them too. At one point I was heckled by a dog, but I coped pretty well with that. Ally made an appearance too, which must have been a little confusing for those very few people who aren’t aware of my new double act. He will never rehearse, of course, so it was rough and ready. I’d just listened to Nina Conti on the most recent Adam Buxton podcast (he gives a lovely mention of my book at the end) and she was talking about the technique required to make a b sound like a b without moving your lips. Her mentor Ken Campbell argued that it didn’t matter about technique, but you should just get a funny character and get up there, so I am glad I am working in exactly that way, but am, as always impressed by Conti’s skill and dedication. She has used the medium to explore and celebrate madness in the same way that I have been keen to do with my work, but vent dolls do seem to be a great way to do this. Though Ally is not a voice telling my inner truth, so much as a heckler deliberately lying or stirring things up, like a troll would. But he’s capable of showing affection for me too. So just like all my double act partners.
It’s a very interesting listen (and the film they talk about Her Master’s Voice is superb) but especially if you’ve just started doing a podcast where you throw yourself into ventriloquism and hope for the best.
Anyway I think the gig was OK, all things and dogs considered. Someone asked me afterwards if the Ally bit had been planned as it seemed spontaneous and I replied that I was trying to do a serious bit about the charity and Ally had interrupted and I'd done my best to cope.
I am not mad.
