The charity muggers just aren't going away are they? If anything they are proliferating. Which must mean their guerilla tactics of trying to stop yon in the street and make you sign direct debit forms must be working.
I have become quite good at walking in such a way that clearly demonstrates that I don't want to stop and chat. But occasionally you accidentally catch their eye and you know they're going to try one of their lame tactics to get you to stop.
I got by about three Amnesty chuggers in Covent Garden this lunchtime, but accidentally looked at one of them as I walked back with my lunch. She had tricked me by being quite pretty and my eyes, unaware of the dangers, chose to look at her for a second. I nearly pulled them out on the spot on stamped on them. That would teach my lecherous eyes. But instead I just pulled a face at the girl as I refused her offer to stop, hoping that she would think I was kind of cute and funny and maybe seek me out later in the day when she wasn't trying to help political prisoners and I wasn't about to write a sketch about Mother Teresa being born all wrinkled and leathery. We come from two different worlds. There's no way I am giving up Sarah Silverman for her.
Later in Hammersmith I had been to Markses to get my fruit salads and other healty foodage. I had three bags full of shopping. The young male chugger I was passing (who didn't even have the brains to try and evolve into a woman so he would at least be sexually alluring to me) didn't say hello or excuse me. He said, "Just put the bags down for a second." Blunt as you like, as if I was a criminal with a bomb in my carrier bags. He was ordering me, not asking me. Usually I pass by and don't vent my spleen at them, but I found myself telling this guy to "fuck off". I know it can't be the greatest job in the world, but a tiny amount of politeness and acknowledgement that it is me rather than him who is being inconvenienced by him trying to stop me in my tracks would have been nice.
I don't know if my aside affected him. I guess he gets people telling him to fuck off all day and would still do even if his kerbside manner wasn't so atrocious. But I felt a bit bad about it. For a second. And then quite proud. And then I decided to share it with you.
