I am cycling a lot at the moment as part of my new health-kick campaign. As a sensible grown-up who is not too concerned about the phenomena of "helmet-hair", I wear a protective cycle hat in case of unpleasant incident. You'd have to be crazy or 15 and self-conscious and worried about helmet-hair not to do this, especially in London where the cyclist seems to be magically rendered invisible to one in four motor vehicle drivers (and the bigger and more deadly the vehicle the more opaque you seem to become).
But I have noticed an interesting incidence of self-consciousness that strikes me as regards the cycle helmet. I am not embarrassed to wear it while cycling, I am not embarrassed to wear it while wheeling my bike anywhere, but it suddenly becomes incredibly embarrassing and nerdy if I find myself wearing my cycle helmet when I am not with my bike. To the extent that I very, very rarely would even countenance doing it. It's partly because it's the kind of thing
Mr Harris would do, but mainly it seems an eccentric thing to do - to walk around wearing a cycle helmet when you don't have a bike with you. It would be like carrying an umbrella every where you go on a rainy day. People would look at you and think you're odd.
I don't think people would think "Ah there's a man who obviously has been riding a bike and maybe he's about to ride it again soon so even though he doesn't have the bike with him, that is why he is wearing a helmet." I think they'd think, "Look at that man wearing a bike helmet when he doesn't even have a bike with him. He is strange and must be shunned by society." Even if they thought, "Well maybe his bike is nearby", I think they'd still think,"evenso he is clearly an idiot for not taking his helmet off the minute he has got off his bike. Has he no idea what an idiot he looks like. Almost as if he thinks that you need to wear a helmet for just walking around."
And they'd be right to think that. I would think that too. The cycle helmet worn when there is no bicycle around is one of the most eccentric things a human being can do.
But why should it bother me so.The other day I was having a coffee and my bike was chained up literally just over the road. I had a couple of bags to carry and it would have been much easier for me to put on the helmet there and then and then walk the ten metres to my bike. But that would have meant ten metres of walking wearing a cycle helmet and not having a bike. What if someone saw me? Especially if I had a half beard at the time due to a shaver maulfunction. The chances are they wouldn't see me reach my nearby bike, but even if they did I still think they'd be within their rights to think I was a weirdo. I don't want people to think I am weirdo. That is why I have set up this blog. To set people's minds at rest on that score. I think if you're read even a few of these entries that you will agree they are written by a normal, unself-conscious, non-paranoid man.
It's strange quirk of our society that the non cycling man wearing a cycle helmet is nerdy. But it is a true quirk. And never let this happen to you. Pedestrians don't wear cycle helmets, unless wheeling a bike that they are possibly about to mount again at some point in the near future. I don't make the rules, but I make sure I follow them.
