I think I played the worst squash shot in the history of the sport this morning. I was tired towards the end of a long and competitive match and it was my serve. I threw the ball up, but mis-timed my swing and caught the ball awkwardly. At the same time the racquet flew out of my hand and I was so unbalanced by the whole manoeuvre that I fell sprawling on to the floor landing in a heap of flailing limbs. Given this had all begun from a standing start it was a very impressive and slapstick chain of events.
I had fallen quite hard and for a second had to pause and ascertain whether I had twisted a joint or broken my back in this ridiculous piece of mal-coordination, but although my knee was slightly throbbing, no real harm had been done and I stayed lying down laughing at my own ineptitude.
I really wish I had been able to watch this prat-fall and it was a terrible shame there hadn't been a camera on me, as I could easily have made £250 from "You've Been Framed" (although I suspect it was such an unlikely chain of events that viewers would only conclude that I had faked the footage for the money). But this entirely unenforced error will (perhaps fortunately) only remain in the memories of me and the man I was playing against. And only he really got the full spectacular view of this almost inexplicable mistake. Soon enough we'll both be dead and the whole thing will be entirely forgotten, except perhaps by a few of you, but are only getting a second hand description of the incident and can have no real understanding of how funny it was, and soon enough you will be dead and the whole thing will be gone. Perhaps, if you want to keep the flame of my idiocy alive you will tell your children and perhaps some version of the moment will live on for another generation. But I think your children will forget it, or not really see it as important enough a happening to pass on to their own offspring and then finally the day will be wiped from the pages of human history.
I don't mind. It would be a shame if this was all I was remembered for. Especially given that this one aberration aside I played pretty well today. But there's an outside chance the second of foolishness, witnessed by one person, may pass into human folklore and be turned into a fanatastical tale and maybe a song that stretches down through the ages. But even if that happens then eventually the human race will die out and the world will be destroyed and finally my poor squash serve will be well and truly forgotten. Still the mixture of embarrassment and laughter I had in its immediate aftermath was real and true and I still feel it now, just not as intensely.
