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I have many issues with God, who if you don't know Him is that crazy all powerful, immortal, invisible being that lives in the sky, but rather than just enjoying being perfect and omni-present decided to create a world full of stupid, imperfect people to judge and then punish them if they did the things that He didn't want them to do, even though He had made them so they wanted to do those things,
We must not question His motives. Because if we did we'd immediately see that that made no sense and we wouldn't believe in Him.
My favourite thing about Him is the way He perfectly created a system where everything appeared to be random and unfair, exactly like it would be if He didn't exist and thus didn't give away the fact that He definitely existed.
Why is it important we just believe in Him, even though there is no evidence that He's there and an estimated 4200 religions to choose from throughout human history? I don't know. You must not question Him. But I do admire anyone who is comfortable acknowledging that 4199 religions are definitely made up shit, but are still confident that the one they believe in is real.
Anyway, none of this is my main problem. I am going to accept that He exists in one of his 4200 forms (it's way more than that, because a lot of those religions thought there were multiple gods - which to be fair makes much more sense of the chaos we live in than having one Perfect being who is somehow capable of creating imperfection and taking His eye off the ball so often), which makes me take issue with some of His decisions about creation.
There are loads of weird choices, of course, but this is the worst one. Why the fuck did God choose to put urinary and sexual functions in the same place? (some might argue that he put fecal and sexual functions in the same place too, but no one could have predicted people would think of doing that - that one's on us and not God)
For a being who some believe thinks every sperm is sacred, why do they have to emerge into the world from the same place that piss does? Even the most efficient wee-er is going to leave a urine residue along the channel that the sperm are going to step in on their way out.
This seems disrespectful to these sacred tadpoles, especially as urine will kill them, but I suppose every ejaculation is like a Squid Games for God. Millions will try but only one can win. And for added lols most competitions will end up not even ending at the egg, but in a sock or hanky or on a face or chest or down someone's throat to die in a pool of acid or (and no blame to God - no one could have predicted this and He does not find it amusing) into someone's anal passage. You think your existence it pitiful and meaningless - well imagine being one of the countless billions of sperm that have ended their lives up someone's mousehole.
Or one of the mice.
Maybe it's efficient to make one thing have two functions (and at least for women the wee tube and sex tube are different things, but they still emerge at the same place, adding another piss barrier for visiting gametes) but why those two things. You're starting from scratch, You could have people wee from under their arms and spunk up out of their toes and keep things well apart.
And I didn't mind too much about this when I was a young man, but as an old man, as my urinary functions become less predictable, it is a really bad idea to have wee and spunk coming out of the same hole. Sometimes, when you're older, you have a wee and some of the wee is asleep or something and misses the appointment and then comes out a bit later. Usually quickly enough to just end up in your underwear, but sometimes seconds or minutes later. No one wants to be touching one of those things and get a little spurt of the wrong fluid.
Actually some people do want that, but again, not God's fault. No one could have predicted people would be this perverse. Even if you invented them.
This never happens to me, of course, because I know that this is a possibility, so if there's ever an unlikely chance of someone wanting to touch my old man cock and I have to do a wee first (which of course I do) I know that I have to coax wee down the spunk/urine pipe manually. It's still annoying that I have to do that. Again. Wee out the arm put, spunk out the toe, penis just there for show would have sorted this out.
Of course none of this is God's fault. He made man in his image, which must mean He had a cock already. He didn't create Himself, so that's the fault of whoever created Him. Or if He just was, as religious people believe, then He just was with a cock. That He didn't need. Cos He was alone.
It's always been weird to me that people find it impossible to believe that the Universe just is, but accept that God just is. Surely God is more impressive than the Universe. So if He can just be and doesn't need creating, then why can't the Universe just be?
More thoughts from the sixth form in future blogs.
Anyway, one has to wonder why a solo God would have male genitalia. He's on His own, by definition. He could only use it for wanking, but that's against His rules and He isn't a hypocrite. You can find out a lot more about God's cock and why he would need one (though it might dent your belief in Monotheism) in
Francesca Stavrakopoulou's brilliant book - God, An Anatomy. It's arguably more academically rigorous than this blog.
