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Back into London for the third day in a row, this time for a little birthday excursion with just Catie and Phoebe. It's rare for both parents to spend time with just one kid (Ernie stayed at his grandparents) and I know Phoebe sometimes (to always) wishes it was always like this. I love Ernie's energy (as it is my own from the same age and I deserve this punishment) but it's interesting to be without it.
Obviously as a paranoid parent it's impossible to enjoy anything properly. As I drove us to London I forced myself to imagine the life that Ernie would have if the rest of us were wiped out in a car accident. What function does that serve other to turn joy to sadness by worrying about something that I very much hope will never happen.
The price of love is never being able to fully relax and enjoy it. What would that little idiot do without us? Where would he go?
I drove carefully just in case. But I think I would have done anyway, by dint of not wanting anyone to die if I can help it.
Phoebe is getting her first phone for he 10th birthday, which is an exciting and of course nerve-wracking prospect (to any parent who is crazy enough to expend energy on imagining his children being orphaned). It's possibly a little bit early and will surely lead to a world of pain eventually, but I think there's something to be said for doing it early, as for the moment we can control how and when the phone is used and hopefully prep her enough to avoid the dark side of humanity and it's a lovely acknowledgment that our little girl is no longer a little girl.
It was London rules still, so she had to stay close to us to avoid all the Artful Dodgers that roam the streets here. As we walked up to the phone store, Phoebe held my hand. That doesn't happen much any more and it might not happen again (at least for a bit, maybe on my death bed). Catie got a photo, so at least I have that. And yes, it won't be long before this young woman is towering over me.
All of these milestones feel all the sweeter because four years ago I thought I might miss them. I am very proud to be this girl's dad. She is funny, thoughtful, savage and a great artist and footballer. And luckily I didn't kill her and her mum in a car accident today. What a relief. Though the dark thoughts will haunt my dreams and be back first thing tomorrow. This is why parents deserve a party. Especially the dads who have done all the hard work right from conception.
The evening was taken up with trying to set up the phone and get Phoebe's Apple ID set up, which proved to be quite difficult as I was asked to prove that I was who I said I was through the three digit numbers on the back of my bank cards. Unfortunately my main account only had expired bank cards associated with it (due to Apple's inability to combine accounts my apps and music etc are connected to an older account) and so this involved a long phone call with a very helpful lady as we sorted out a way to get round this. Phoebe was temporarily convinced that I had broken her new phone. Parents get no credit. But then I do remember that when I asked for a record player for my birthday, my mum and dad got me one that was combined with a tape player and a radio and for some forgotten reason this made me furiously angry and rather than thanking them I just shouted at them for getting it wrong. Looking back it's quite embarrassing, especially as I was 28 years old at the time.
Parents get no thanks and no apology. As you will have noticed from that last story. It'd be really easy for me to finally say sorry for my lack of gratitude for everything they did for me. But look. I haven't.
I expect my kids to do better than me.
It's 10 years tonight since Catie's contractions began and she got in the bath whilst I tried to get some sleep, having inadvertently stepped in cat shit that had fallen out of the litter tray and carried it on my foot into the bed. I chose not to blog about that, but I told the story in whatever stand up show that was - Happy Now? I guess.
The biggest change in my life was about to occur and I had no idea what it would be like, or at this point, why there was a weird smell in the bed.
It's been an amazing decade, from what little I remember about it. She's an amazing girl. Her brother is great too in spite of the hard time I give him for being like me. Though he does claim to be half ghost, which is an interesting development, which doesn't assuage my fears of something going wrong.
