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To Tring today.
I have played this theatre a lot, but not for a while and wasn't sure when the last time I'd been here was.
I did fall off stage at one of the gigs here. I thought I was heading for the steps, but it turned out they weren't where I thought they were and I plunged into the darkness. Had I been an older man (like I am now) it might have been more serious, but I got away with a bump and a bit of blood I think and hopefully a laugh as I upended through the curtain.
I thought I might be playing a new theatre as I didn't recognise the name, but it was the same place, renamed by the owner. I think that's cheating. You have to have a theatre named after you - you can't just buy one and name it after yourself. Obviously when I die the Leicester Square Theatre will be renamed the Richard Herring Leicester Square Theatre - it would be called that now, but I am not letting them do it because I am so modest, so they are waiting til I die and can have no control over it. Reluctantly I will accept the accolade in death that I have refused in life (even though no one has really asked me about it).
Some people think it will be called the Stewart Lee Theatre, just because he actually sells tickets there, unlike me. But those people are just ignorant. Theatres aren't interested in ticket sales. They are there for the art.
To be fair the Tring theatre naming is actually even more cunty than buying a theatre and giving it your own name. It's called the Dembe Theatre and the owner is David Evans, but David is an MBE so he's called it Dembe, his initials plus his title. Which makes me think less badly of people who simply name a theatre after themselves whilst still alive, because at least they haven't done also bragged about their honour.
I am guessing that he thinks using his initials rather than his full name gives his self-naming a sense of modesty. But he is 100% wrong.
Plus there's an oil painting of him in the lobby. I'm pretty sure the early 21st Century will become known as the Age of No Shame.
According to his website (which is well worth a read) David is also a BSc Econ MBA so I'd suggest renaming the theatre the Dembebsceconmba Theatre. All in or go home David.
Anyway, like the 14 year old me David shares a lot of wisdom with Gandhi (David points out on his site that Gandhi died three months after he was born, which makes it sound like he was somehow responsible). And I should say that his website makes him sound like a very giving man who cares about his community and who was seemingly forced to name the theatre after himself, so I am being very unfair.
I'd just say if you want people to think you're a nice bloke then be like me and insist that a theatre doesn't take your name, even if no one is even suggesting it should. But if you're going to name a theatre after yourself, just name it after yourself and don't try to slip in your qualifications and awards too. And wait til you're dead.
I guess this is my last time playing the Dembe as a result of this ignorant blog about a man who has clearly done loads of great things for his community. Though I'm just joking around based on this weird name change. All I know about David is the stuff he's written himself on his website and all the stuff that everyone in Tring says about him.
I am going to buy a theatre and call it the RHTCOC (Richard Herring Taskmaster Champion of Champions) and then everyone will remember me as a RHTCOC. I won't be the only one.
The gig passed without major incident, even though my dizziness has mildly returned this week. I did trip on the leg of the screen and jar my frozen shoulder (which has been pain free 90% of the time since my last session) and was in quite a bit of pain for a minute or so. The Tring audience would not have known it though, because I hid my agony and soldiered on. Also they've seen me fly off a stage so this was nothing to them.
A York City fan came up to me as I did selfies after the gig with a sad expression and showed me that in the 89th minute of their match with lowly Maidenhead the score was 1-1. I told her that York would score in injury time - the team has grabbed an incredible number of points in the final moments of matches this season. Sure enough, whilst we chatted York scored twice. Magic.
Also in the audience was my flat mate from the third year University, one of the Boulter St Boys, Paul "Twart" Nathan (he got this nickname as we had a convoluted bread buying chart/system with all the rules stuck up around the kitchen and on that chart he was known as Paul "Twat" Nathan - I think we all had insulting nicknames. His mum came to visit, saw this and said "What's a twart?" - that one sticks for lifetime). Lovely to see him again. I didn't even call him twart, but I will next time I see him.
