Before I die I would like to join the ranks of Murphy and Sod by having my own law - Herring's Law. Not the kind of law that gets put on the statute books and is legally enforceable (I can only imagine that that would be a shameful thing - you have attempted to make love to the stigmata of the risen Christ and I thus imprison you under the conditions of Herring's Law, named after the one other person in all history who has attempted such a thing), but the kind of law that demonstrates a truism about life.
I haven't come up with anything good enough yet, (certainly nothing as brilliant as "Whatever can go wrong, will go wrong" - I hate Murphy) but have made some valiant attempts. The first is that if you are playing internet poker on two tables simultaneously, Herring's Law dictates that the cards you have on one table will always give you a brilliant hand if only you were allowed to play them on the other table. This is chillingly true. You should try it. You'll see I am correct. It's like the poker companies are trying to rub it in your face. This KJ is uselss on the table you're on, but look at the flop on your other table - KKJ. Ha ha ha. Herring's Law.
The other possible candidate is that if you are in a gym changing room and about to get changed then even if there is only one other person in the room, he or she will be using the locker right next to yours. Again not too catchy, but I have really noticed the truth of this. There must be over 100 lockers in the gym I go to, but within seconds of me opening my locker, the next person to enter the gym will be wanting to get into the locker adjacent to it. Which will mean moving my stuff so they can get proper access and having difficulty getting in to my locker because they are standing too close. It's doubly true if you are naked at the time. Your personal space will be invaded. You will feel uncomfortable.
It's a true and unbreakable social law. You go to the gym now and see if I am wrong. And when it happens, comment to the person who is next to you - looks like we've fallen victim to Herring's Law. Then they'll say, "The thing about the poker tables?"
And you can say, "No, his second law," and tell them what it is, so the word can spread. Stupid only Murphy only thought of one law.The idiot. I am best than him.
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November quiz - Question 17
In the last edition of Viz an entry I had suggested appeared in Roger's Profanisaurus. It was a euphemism for testicles. What was this euphemism?
