Yeah, cleverclogses. When I said I was working in Starbucks, I didn't mean I was
working in Starbucks. I meant I was writing my script. Why I oughtta! I hope there is no cause of similar misunderstandings ever again.
I was working in a different Starbucks today, or more accurately failing to work. I was killing time waiting for my lunch to go down before I went swimming (and I swam the furthest I believe I have ever swum today - 76 lengths in 45 minutes. I am a God!).
Sitting on stools right in front of me were a couple of grown adults, almost certainly in their thirties. They sat down just after I had got there and immediately started smooching noisily.
Now I am all for kissing, especially when I am involved somewhere amongst the puckering lips, and I would be a hypocrite if I said I had never kissed a lady in a public place. But at least I usually have being drunk as an excuse. This was four o clock in the afternoon (yes, it had been a late lunch) and an alcohol free coffee shop and these two people were old enough to know better.
Also they were both pug-faced and ugly, so only the most perverted voyeur could get off on watching them. I am only a moderately perverted voyeur and found their antics sickening.
Unusually my objection to the snogging wasn't jealousy and I know what it is to be in love and infatuated and how it can be hard to control yourself, but I think what irritated me wasn't the public display of affection, it was the crappy way that the grotesque man was kissing his hideous girlfriend. Every kiss was accompanied by a over the top lip puckering, making so much noise it was almost as if the man was kissing the woman sarcastically. Which would at least make some sense. "Yes you are beautiful - kiss kiss- you are the most beautiful woman in the world- kiss kiss- I want to kiss you - kiss kiss."
If they had just been snogging each other's faces off then it wouldn't have been half as bad. It was these constant noises which sounded like a mouse with a megaphone proclaiming that his fellow mice would go to hell unless they believed in the mouse Jesus.
I gave the human mutants some pretty hard stares of disapproval as I tried to get on with pretending to work, but they weren't ashamed of their love. They kept going. Almost as if they were relishing upsetting myself.
Maybe this was their plan all along. Maybe that is how they get off, by upsetting the norms with their noisy nuzzling.
I believe that the ugly should only pet in private, under the cover of night or under the influence of alcohol. It's a rule that I abide by so come on the rest of you freaks, have some shame!
