Who says Shepherd's Bush is the crime capital of the world?
No-one that is who.
But some people would argue it is a place where petty theft, needless violence, occasional murder and frequent vandalism occur on a regular basis. In under four years I have fallen victim to
bizarre instrumental fly tipping,
had my car tyres slashed twice, had my
VW emblem stolen, had my car slightly smashed up by escaping burglars,
been threatened with leg breaking, almost witnessed a mugging and have seen
the odd domestic and had
my car broken into because I was stupid enough to leave my sat nav cradle on the window. Oh yeah and some rubbish terrorists
tried to blow up my local tube station.
And yet either the thieves and crooks of the Bush are letting things slide or a new era of honesty and good citizenship began with the year 2007.
Because today when I was down in the room we had my New Year party in, I realised that my front window was open. Now, I hadn't opened it and was surprised to see it ajar as it's a very heavy window and slams shut unless it is propped open. Investigation proved that the window was indeed being prevented from closing by a beer bottle. Which made it pretty obvious that one of the revellers from last Sunday had taken it upon themselves to open the window and then not taken it upon themselves to close it again afterwards. It was probably the same person who
opened my magnum of vintage champagne. The fucking wanker.
But the amazing thing was that this window has been ajar for five long Shepherd Bush nights and no-one had thought that this generous access to my house and possessions was worth taking advantage of. It seems that most criminals in this area just spend their time looking at what they can do to cars and don't turn their attention to the possibly more lucrative houses.
Admittedly it hadn't got to the point where anyone had been neighbourly enough to point out this ostenatiously open ground floor window, clearly propped open with a bottle, but let's not run before we can walk.
No-one broke in and stole my stuff and that is a New Year miracle enough. And lucky for me because I think leaving a window propped open with a beer bottle might go some way to invalidating my home insurance.
Shepherd's Bush is the safest place in the world. And it's at least five years since anyone was murdered in Nandos. They should put a sign up to that effect. I am sure it would get more people in.
