I thought my driving mortification would be over, as though there were more in car scenes to do today (with no pesky sex acts to hold things up, so to speak), I thought they were all going to be on the low loader (yesterday incidentally the car was on an A Frame, a slightly different thing - on a low loader the car is not actually on the road and is not steered by the truck in front).
However, although we would be doing our low loader scenes at about 5pm, SJ and I had to come in first thing in the morning to be in the car as it drove under a bridge, for some scene establishing shots.
We were in Hemel Hempstead to do these and I suddenly realised I was going to have to drive the car on actual streets, with genuine traffic around me and if I stalled or fucked up I would be inconveniencing genuine people, rather than supporting artists and stunt men. I figured I would be OK, as it was a straight bit of road, but I was still a little nervous, especially when I realised that to get back to where we'd started I was going to have to negotiate one of the craziest looking roundabouts I had ever seen (a roundabout with five or six mini-roundabouts taking you around it) at rush hour.
None of this was on film, but inevitably I stalled at the first mini roundabout and discovered I was also on a small incline and so I was forced to attempt another hill start, with the additional pressure of unsuspecting, unaware commuters trying to get on their way. I struggled to get the car moving again, reliving the mortification of yesterday, the slight burning smell returning to the car. Finally I got going, but disorientated and agitated I nearly drove into a car's path at the next mini roundabout. Although the impact would probably not have caused any harm to me or my beautiful co-star, the car itself (always more important than any actor) would have been badly damaged causing huge problems for the production.
I was really freaked out and though I managed to get round and back under the bridge for the shot, I was horrified to hear that they were directing me back to this monstrous roundabout which so showed up my ineptitude at clutch control. SJ, i think was more frightened. This time I managed to negotiate the loop-de-doop with little more than the odd splutter and bunny-hop and it was with some relief that we all made it back to base in the Tescos' car park in three pieces (the pieces being me, SJ and the car).
I staggered back to my trailer, feeling less of a man in the eyes of the crew and my screen girlfriend, just glad it was over.
Then I got the news that they wanted to cover the whole thing again from a slightly different angle. The humiliation was not yet over. I had to go to the director and explain that I did not think my manual driving abilities were good enough to risk life, limb and bodywork. It was even more cringe making because I knew we were up against it for time and that this complication would slow things down further. But Delyth realised I was distressed and that once you lose confidence in something like this that incompetence spreads like a virus and she slightly adjusted things so that my place could be taken by one of the crew. When you watch the show see if you can spot when it's me and when it isn't.
It was a little annoying though, as this early start could have been prevented if only they had realised yesterday that I wasn't fit to be allowed on the roads and made arrangements for my place to be taken by a stand-in.
The rest of the day was spent lolling around in my trailer, trying to forget about my immasculating early morning and looking round Tescos. We didn't get back in the car until the sun was starting to set and all my actual work (rather than working up a sickly sweat of fear) was done in the last hour.
I will insist on an automatic next time. It's fascinating how something like this can throw your whole day out and I am sure it was a cumulative experience from yesterday.
But we got everything done and incredibly there are just three days of filming to go. I get the day off tomorrow. Maybe I'll get back in touch with my old driving instructor.
