I was still a bit hungover today from my post-filming cocktails on Friday. I haven't been drinking anywhere like as much as I used to this year and this is the drunkest I had been since New Year's Eve and I have to say I was questioning whether it was all worth it. I felt grumpy and a bit depressed and pretty grouchy, as well as a little ill. I have a pretty healthy regime despite the catering van on location and my body rebelled against this sudden self-funded assault. Maybe my heavy drinking days are behind me. I think weekends are too valuable to waste locked in a dark room, questioning the point of it all. And alcohol, apparently is a depressive. Who knew?
On the other hand if you don't drink yourself into oblivion at least four nights a week there is a distinct possibility of becoming a gay. But then maybe I should become a gay. Maybe I am one already. It would explain a lot of things. Like why I spend so much of my time fellating men. That has always made me a bit suspicious about my claims to be heterosexual.
If I wasn't depressed to begin with I would have been after buying the Sunday Times this afternoon. There was rather a bleak article about what will happen to the world if the average temperature of the world raises between one and six degrees over the next hundred years. I actually couldn't bring myself to read too much of it, feeling that if I didn't know about the consequences of my mistreatment of this planet, then the predicted Apocalypse would never come to pass. But suffice to say that if things carry on as they are doing (and if we're honest we all know we're being pretty half-arsed about changing our ways), then most of our country will be under the sea, large swathes of Europe and America will become uninhabitable desert and supposedly methane from under the sea will shoot up on to the land causing explosions that will destroy cities. I wish I could say I had made that last one up, but whilst not being entirely sure I have remembered that accurately, it is certainly the gist of what the doom-mongering article claimed.
It all just makes me think, "What's the point?" I genuinely believe we've all left this too late and that even if the Sunday Times magazine is taking an extreme look at what might happen, that we're going to fuck up the world sufficiently to make our children's and grandchildren's lives pretty unpleasant and dangerous.
Sometimes when I look at the state of our society: the way that capatilism encourages people to provide pointless services and merchandise that no-one needs, the increasing importance placed on celebrity for celebrity's sake (have you heard those radio adverts saying "Don't die before you live" trying to encourage teenagers not to get run over, which are all about how someone who died could've been a pop or movie star, as if that would have validated their existence), the way we all sit back and allow our government to stay in power, even though it becomes increasingly obvious that they lied to us to justify the invasion of Iraq and even though it was pretty obvious to sensible people at the time that this would only end in chaos for everyone concerned. To be honest this list could go on for a long time. Who needs alcohol to get depressed about stuff, when life is as depressing as this on its own? Alcholics are kidding themselves if they think they need to get artificially depressed in this way.
Every now and again I feel it would be good to escape from our modern world and go and live on an island somewhere with like-minded people who didn't believe in God and didn't covert possessions and fame and money. But even if I followed through on this fantasy and gave up persuing fame, money and possessions myself (which I won't- I love all these things), it is clear that there is actually no where to go that will be safe from the environmental destruction that we are bringing on ourselves (it's very similar to a Friday night spent downing cocktail after cocktail, with no regard for how this will make you feel on Sunday). Even if you personally were a paragon of virtue, you will be swept up in the maelstrom of nature's vengeance created by all the other idiots. Your only hope is to escape the bonds of gravity and try and create a Brave New World on another planet. Better get on with building your Space Ark though Noah. There's not much time.
I have to stop drinking. Or perhaps the key to getting through this is to never stop drinking. Good luck.
