I never dreamt I would come away from Edinburgh with a trophy, but for the first time in my life I shall leave Auld Reekie with a sizable bauble in my suitcase. Because this afternoon I won the first annual Edinburgh Festival Comedians' Poker Tournament.
It's not quite as impressive as it sounds. There was supposed to be a field of 30 or so players, but doubtless some were put off by the early hour of the contest, 1pm and only 9 players showed up. Still there were some pretty good poker players amongst them and I did well, managing to hold on in to the last three, where one of the other players had a massive chip advantage over the other two of us. But sensibly I surrendered a couple of small blinds to the person in third who was even more short-stacked than me, thus keeping him in the game until things were a bit more even, then I took advantage of a couple of good hands, got into the lead and started playing aggressively. It was quite a fight-back. And for once in my Edinburgh life I won something. It's a pretty big, gaudy trophy, selected by tournament organiser Andy Smart and my main concern is how I am going to fit it into a suit-case that was already stuffed full when I got here. I will find a way. It can go next to the tankard I got for
winning the Oxford/Cambridge boat race.
Then when I got back to the flat I had received an email from someone who wanted to name their cock after me. How could I possibly refuse? It's great to know that out there in the world is a man with a cock that he likes to call Richard Herring, and if women ever see his cock he will tell them, "I call it Richard Herring."
If you want to see the cock that is named after me then simply
click here.
Oh hold on, it was that kind of cock! I hope no-one was confused! Ha ha ha. Gareth from
Farplace Animal Rescue asked me if I would mind having my name given to a cock in the hope of generating some publicity for the very worthy organisation that he works for. Mind? It is an ever greater honour than being the best poker playing comedian in Edinburgh (who could be bothered to get up). What a day! Please support this excellent cause in any way you can.
The last week decline has begun. Numbers were down a little tonight and the audience were again a bit muted, which was not helped by the fact that an 11 year old girl was sitting visibly in the front row. It put me off a bit, as she wasn't as cheeky or funny as the young lad who was in the other week, and looked quite uncomfortable. I could see the audience glance over at her every time I mentioned anal sex or paedophilia and consequently the routines did not go as well as usual. It's really not a show for anyone under 14 and contains very adult themes which you might want to be over 25 before you encounter. There are a couple of clues in the title. "Ah, a show about turning 40 with a swear word in the title - I think I will take my 11 year old daughter to that. She should get a lot out of it!" The parents seemed to find it funny and in the end I managed to turn the audience around too. But it was a hard show and I didn't enjoy it as much as usual.
I am also slowly working my way through the names for the limited edition programme. I am going to try and do them all by the end of the week, but I think it's unlikely, so those of you who donated the least money may have to wait til late September before your envelope arrives. Those of you nearer the top of the list should be getting something in the next day or so, unless you haven't sent me your address or I have misplaced it. So far I have no snail mail address for Neil Jones, Jamie Jamieson or Dafydd Tomos. Please email me at Herring1967@googlemail.com if you are one of those people, or if you donated but haven't yet given me your address.
Treat me with respect. I have a cock named after me.
