I've had my car for what? Six and a half years? I bought it new. I was flush from my writing TV's Time Gentleman Please. It's a VW Golf and in all that time I have had very few problems with it and most problems have been down to vandalism or thievery. It's a good car and it's served me well, apart from when it has gone too fast near speed cameras, though that is not entirely its fault.
Today I was heading down to the supermarket to buy some healthy food and recycle eight bags full of plastic containers (and then the bags themselves - if that doesn't make up for flying to Thailand, I don't know what does, though I suspect driving the stuff there left a bigger carbon foot print than if I just hadn't bothered. But I am trying, dude, and I don't even like the world and quite want it to be destroyed, so give me a break). I hadn't been in the car
, but for the first time since I bought it, I got in, turned the key and.... nothing happened. The car was not working. I suspected a battery issue. But I don't know anything about cars so that was just a guess, but the engine wasn't even making a grinding attempt to spark into life. Just turn the key and nothing.
The RAC have been taking my membership money for some years now and I have only called on them once when I had a flat tyre and (I thought) no legal spare. So they got their second call from me and I was glad that I had gone for Home Start as both times I have rung them I have been at home - as yet the car has never broken down and thus making a fool of me for my regular reflex reaction of laughing at anyone who has broken down on the hard shoulder of the motorway.
A man came within about an hour and a half and ascertained pretty quickly that it was indeed the battery and also that the battery was pretty much fucked and I'd need to get another one. He was magic and could make the battery work for one more time and he also knew of a place where I could get a new battery and so off we went, me following him, in the pouring rain.
He then very kindly put the new battery in as I sat in the dry car and watched him get wet and within minutes everything was working again. I had contributed one dead car battery back into the world (though presume the garage will deal with it and I hope they will recycle it), but was then able to head off to the Chiswick plastic recycling bins. The world's fucked fellas. I am just hoping some clever scientist is going to work out a way to make global warming stop. They should do, it's essentially their fault that it happened anyway - the scientific idiots.
But it made me realise my car is old. But it's not like my laptop. I am not going to replace it. And not just because it is much more expensive. This is the only car I have ever had. Aside from hiring out a couple of whorish rental cars when on holiday (and on holiday doesn't count, right?) it has been there for me and I've been there for it and I won't just cast it aside like it's some kind of Sony Vaio. And some pretty amazing stuff has happened in this car, a lot of laughter and tears, journeys to exciting places and away from disastrous gigs, the spilling of various bodily fluids and I've shared journeys with friends, lovers and family. My car might end up being the most significant relationship of my life. And yes, I am saddened by the fact that possessions end up being the constants in my life, even though I am only kind of joking by making out that my things are like girlfriends. If only there was an RAC for relationships, huh? We could all do with a jump start some time!
If only we could just change out own batteries and be back to what we were.
So I am admitting love for my computer and my car. Maybe I can move on from this to loving something not made out of metal. A human being. Or maybe I can move in the write direction by falling in love with Metal Mickey. He can be my halfway house.
I'm only messing with you.
