Apparently I was not the first to notice Katie's stretched metaphors. In fact Katie herself has
joined in with the joke. Mine are a lot funnier though. But good on the elfin beauty for not taking herself too seriously.
I was doing a charity gig at the Comedy Store tonight. Which reminds me that the funniest thing about Heather Mills recent outburst on GMTV was that she actually referred to the work she does for charidy. She rarely fails to mention her charity work, but the fact that she called it charidy made me laugh. As did her assertion on another show that Sir Paul shoul admit the break up was his fault, because it would make him look good as people always know that both people are to blame in these things, but in this case it's his fault. You've got to love her.
Anyway I don't do a lot of work for charity or charidy, but I do love to talk endlessly about the few things I do in the hope that it will somehow fool people into thinking I am nice.
It was a great line up, put together by Gareth Berliner who I met up in Edinburgh a couple of years ago to raise funds for St Mark's Hospital (
background info here). But who cares about that? As long as I can be centre of attention for ten minutes, that's all that matters to me.
Even though I still don't quite feel like a proper stand up comedian - especially in the alien environment of the tiny backstage room at the Store - I have certainly got closer to being one in the couple of years since
where I was a bit rubbish and this gig, where I was better.
So it was fun to be bantering with the other comics backstage, even if at times it can get a bit competitive foe laughs. As Brendon Burns was on stage mocking the failed Glasgow Airport bomber (hasn't he suffered enough?) Glenn Wool, Ed Byrne and me riffed about whether he gets to go to the special Martyr Heaven if he didn't actually kill anyone, Glenn
suggesting that everyone up there is probably so embarrassed that they pretend that the bombing was a success and the poor fella has no idea he took no-one with him. "When do I get to see the infidels I killed burning in Hell?" Ed had him asking, wondering if they just showed him the 9/11 pit and pretended that was his. I mentioned that today's news said that Al Qaeda was recruiting 15 year olds. Ed said, "There has to be a joke in that", thought for a second and came back with, "It means they can get half price tickets for the tube."
Later I was drinking red wine in a polystyrene cup (despite my hatred of polystyrene and my decision that I wouldn't drink tonight) and eating a nice M and S shortbready biscuit. Because this was an incongruous mix and because I was using a coffee cup to drink wine with, I amused Glenn by dipping my biscuit into my wine and eating it. "Actually that's not too bad," I said, "I may just have invented something. Plus it's the all in one blood and body of Christ!" I started to picture an advert for this time saving mixture with a vicar saying "Take biscuits and wine into the church? Only an idiot would do that! Combine the blood and body of Christ with these!"
"Holy Communion" suggested Glenn for a name. I think it might catch on. The fact that the biscuits are a bit soggy might be a draw back, but it's good news for the Catholic on the go.
The gig went fine, once I opted to just go for the filthy material. The crowd were up for being disgusted and as with all these Monday night charity dos pretty drunk. A few of the proper comics commented on how much they had enjoyed the set. Nick Wilty who had had the pleasure of seeing my awful act from the early 90s as well as the poor first charity gig at the Store mentioned above was particularly impressed with how I had improved. The acceptance by one's peers is a particular pleasure.
I have a good job and I am very lucky. But it's my work for charidy that gives me the most pleasure.
