Days Without Alcohol - 68.
Off to Jersey today - a ludicrously short flight, but no real option but to add to my carbon footprint as I am no David Walliams and so wasn't going to be able to swim it.
I did something that I thought I would never do and forgot my passport - not that I needed it for Jersey, but I am going to Dublin tomorrow, which is officially another country. I was half way to Victoria on the tube when thankfully the realisation jumped into my head. Luckily I had set out a bit early and had time to go back. If I had got to Gatwick before I remembered then things would have been a bit different. I think I might well have got away with it, as I am not completely certain a passport is required to go to Dublin, but it was still stupid to forget. I am getting old.
I had the afternoon in Jersey and went to find some lunch. There was an incredibly heavy police prescence on the streets and they seemed to be talking to people and taking notes. I wondered if this was anything to do with the recent news items about the alleged abuse at the care home. Had the Jersey authorities just decided to put three policemen on every corner as a warning to the perverted island populace not to fiddle with any more kids?
Also, somewhat bizarrely, the streets seemed to be thronging with schoolgirls in their uniforms, a significant proportion of whom were carrying realistic baby dolls. I presume that this was some kind of school project where girls were being made to think about the responsibilities of having a child and these were those dolls that act up like real babies thus giving young women a valuable life lesson. But then I thought maybe it was just a new initiative to try and see if it was possible to teach people in Jersey to have children without trying to molest and kill them. It was not good that I was in this frame of mind. I was a bit worried that I wouldn't be able to resist saying the wrong thing on stage.
Obviously part of the purpose of these dolls is actually to make young women realise how demanding having a child is, so that they think twice before having unprotected sex, which can be no bad thing, but I also wondered what would happen if this scheme actually backfired and the schoolgirls excelled at bringing up the pretend babies and decided that they would have a real one straight away. I suppose this doesn't happen or they probably wouldn't take the chance, but it was a bit of a gamble the first time and presumably occasionally people must like doing it.
The gig went fine, though it was a quietish Arts Centre audience. My references to Jersey's recent troubles went down very well, as it seems such things always do in the actual place. I also did my gag about cats and dogs being collaborators in the war between humans and animals before adding "I can't say anything without offending the people of Jersey can I?' But I was glad to get through it all and delighted that I joked about them getting angry and locking me up in a cellar. After all on a tightly knit island like this, they could all gang together and claim that I had never shown up and no-one would ever know I was gone. I am not off the island yet, so if I disappear please send help. These people are crazy!
