Happy 2000th day day. 2000 days of my life. Take that Anne of a 1000 days you lightweight. I've done 2000 and plus I still have my head on.
2000 consecutive entries. I wonder how many bloggers have managed that. It's a little bit incredible. I don't know if they should give me a medal or lock me up in a secure unit. Probably both. As long as the medal is made of rubber, has no sharp edges or pin or long ribbon I could hang myself with on it. Maybe if we gave more mentally ill people medals the world would be a better place. Or maybe sane people would pretend to be mentally ill to get a free medal. Which isn't what I am doing.
The point it, where's my fucking medal.
I have something more important than medals. The slight interest of maybe 200 geeks.
Almost 66 months have passed since I started doing this, which at least gives me some concept of the swift passage of time. In 2000 more entries I'll be 46 years old. There's less than 4000 entries to my 50th birthday. Days are precious commodities my friends. Make sure you make the most of every second. Unless you write a blog which depends on the minutia of daily living, in which case, don't worry about it too much and just wait for the blessed release of death. It's all that can stop this out of control juggernaut full of crap now.
Andrew Collings was over this morning to do podcast 13. I think he might genuinely be on the brink of a massive nervous breakdown. I hope so, because it makes the podcasts all the more entertaining, plus it would be excellent publicity if he started to mentally fragment during the recording. Who wouldn't want to listen to that, however poor the sound quality?
He came pretty close today, though if the rumours circulating the 6Music message boards are to be believed he was probably drunk. I must say I have always found it quite suspicious, the way that he never really seems to drink alcohol or be inebriated at any time that I have worked with him. It's a little bit too neat. I had made the mistake/calculated manoeuvre of giving him coffee and it set him off like a whirling top of insanity. Firstly he was actually scared to call this the 13th podcast, even though it is, because his mum had taught him that 13 is an unlucky number. And in a way it turned out that she was right, at least for herself. I hope she never listens to it. I unfairly maligned her. I wish I could say I was sorry, but I am proud of myself for doing it. Maybe it's me who's having the breakdown. Maybe it's both of us. Maybe the podcast doesn't even really exist and we're just blathering away in a padded cell somewhere, talking into a rubber brick (would explain the sound quality) and no one is listening.
The story that Andrew told about the Lion Man would certainly provide evidence for such a supposition. I suspect that the whole incident was imaginary. Perhaps he had accidentally eaten some wheat in Brighton and the whole thing was some terrible drug trip for him. Suffice to say it's the kind of vision that Reginald Perrin would have had on the train home from work, before he decided to run off into the sea showing his bum to the 1970s. And much as Collings professes to love specific years from the past, I suspect he would really just like to show his arse on those programmes. He could be a talking arse. Although they already have Paul Ross/Gina Yashere/Stuart Maconie/insert name of your least favourite talking head here for that.
Lion man, I am sure, was a projection of what Collings wishes he was, a composite of all the things he "hates", yet secretly wants to be. Does Lion Man drink oat milk? No, he eats raw gazelles that he has chased down and killed himself. Or if he can't get that, he probably has a Lion Bar. And then doesn't even look to see how many calories are in it, which he then writes in a book. Damn, I'd like to be him too.
Perhaps Andrew Collings is just a projection of what I would like to me. I would like to be a goody two shoes liberal from Northampton, who loves 1983, but hates gluten and who would secretly like to be a white haired Lion Man being nuzzled by his lioness. It's hardly Fight Club is it?
How rubbish am I that I don't directly make up the Lion Man, but have an imaginary go between?
Anyway to really make any sense of this entry you are going to have to
listen to the podcast. It's long, it's sprawling and it's the creation of two (or maybe one) men on the edge of the abyss, but I think it might be turning into something quite special. Though having sat through the four hour Lion Man story once, I don't think I can do so again, so am only working from memory here.
Let's look forward to a time when all my work is given out for free on the internet, not just the current 80% of what I do. Thanks for sticking with me for the last 2000 days folks, or whatever portion of it you've been loitering around for. And if this is your first entry, then I imagine you might not be coming back, but you've got a lot of catching up to do. I am not always this mental.
Oh, hold on, on second thoughts....
