The day got off to a bad start with a call with my manager in which he told me rather sullenly that the BBC have passed on
Absolutely Scrabulous. Apparently they didn't think there were enough laughs in it, which is incorrect and some might argue ironic given some of their output, but there we go. In the weird environment of the reading there had been very few laughs from them. I took the news well at the time. I had steeled myself for it and was expecting that to be their response, but it's still a bit of a punch in the gut. It's a really good script and an interesting idea and I was hopefully looking forward to developing it. It might happen elsewhere, but that's dependent on someone seeing the potential. My life is in the hands of executives, who inevitably know less about comedy than me. That's not arrogance. I have spent the last 20 years considering little else and I think I have a pretty good idea of what will work and what is worthwhile doing. But the people making the decisions have different priorities. Someone else told me later in the day that they were looking for aspirational comedies like
Gavin and Stacey, which is quite depressing. Partly because I have been writing that kind of stuff for years and they have never wanted it before, partly because I think there were elements of the script that coincidentally fulfilled that brief, but mainly because the powers that be always seem to try to commission stuff that is similar to (or exactly the same as) something that is already successful and never seem to spot that practically all the shows that go on to be massively successful are actually good because they're not like anything else. It's the horrible attempts to create a new
Little Britain or
The Office that are ruining TV comedy and whilst I enjoy
Gavin and Stacey I really don't want to see four more series that are similar, but not as good.
Oh anyway, my script isn't good enough for them, which is a pity, but I am lucky to be at the point where they are not only considering my stuff, but paying me to write it. But it's horrible to have put your heart and soul into something and then for it to flounder, especially when I think it's got legs.
As the day progressed I got more depressed about it. I had been planning to work on the Edinburgh show after last night's positive preview, but the wind was taking out of my sails and I moped around Manchester a bit, drinking coffee and looking at the internet and wondering if I could be bothered to try and do anything else on television.
The thing is that I love television. I am a massive fan of it and it is the medium I want to work in (along with doing live comedy in theatres and clubs, which is - luckily - my favourite thing to do). I am not all that interested in writing films. I think there are too many rubbish films and not enough good ones and I like the detail you get to go into in a TV series. I think my stuff would be good if someone would give me the break. But I am beginning to wonder if I should just give up on it and concentrate on my live shows and maybe write books instead. At least then I cut out the frustrating lottery of what executives want this time and the Russian Roulette of whether they will still be in their job when you deliver the script they commissioned.
I was being self indulgent and petulant and no doubt I will get back on my feet and try again with something else. But it's a bit like banging my head against a brick wall.
I get knocked down, then I get up again. I get knocked down, then I get up again. I get knocked down, then I get up again. I get knocked down. Then I start to wonder if it might be better for me if I just stay down. There comes a point where determination is actually having a negative effect. I should just stay down and play dead and avoid getting knocked down over and over again.
Luckily everything else seems to be moving gradually in the right direction. I think the new Edinburgh show could be something really special (I got
this great review of last night's show in the Manchester Evening News. I don't think I have ever had such positive pre-Edinburgh press) and the podcast seems to be really taking off and my other writing work is going really well. But I am aware that time is passing by and it's depressing enough to think of all the things that I could have got done in the last ten years if people had got behind me.
Something will stick eventually. I am confident that, if I can stay alive, I will produce something that will be a bit more generally successful. But it's back to square one, probably, which means it will be another couple of years at least.
Ah well, all this struggle is good in the long run.
And I soon forgot my blues when I went down to the Frog and Bucket to headline the Asylum show. I decided to get drunk, which no doubt helped, and enjoyed watching the other comics. There was an unbelievably good puppet act called
Ruff Daddy, which not only had some funny lines, but so incredibly competent and impressive puppetry. The puppeteers were dressed in black to disguise themselves and at times you forgot they were there and the puppet looked genuinely alive. But what I really liked is the way that the character interacted with the puppeteers, criticising them, mocking them, claiming he didn't need them (only to be proven wrong when they left and he suddenly froze and was just a doll again). The audience loved it. I think these guys could be huge and if they put together an Edinburgh show would wow critics and punters alike. Catch them if you can. Really lovely stuff.
I also enjoyed doing some bits from my show. I was quite drunk and the compere Jason Cook kept giving me tequilla shots as I performed, but in a way the looseness this gave me took a lot of the rough edges off the new material. I explored the ideas, going too far and too weird with some of it, but also uncovering new and amusing possible avenues. I can't remember much about it now, but it was good to do. And helped me wash away the day's disappointments.
I'm going to get up again this time. But it would be cool if I don't get knocked down too many more times. I think that I will get the recognition I deserve at some point, but also think I might be dead before that happens. And that's no good to me!
Thanks to Brainne Edge for the photos of tonight's gig.
