Well the good news is that I got pretty pissed last night on champagne cocktails (ah the romance of it all) and yet despite an early start today I didn't feel like death. The bad news is that this might encourage me to carry on drinking when I really need to get back to fitness. But maybe I can only get away with drinking champagne. And as wealthy as I am, I can't have that every day. So all might not be lost!
It was a fairly uneventful day though. I watched the last few episodes of Peep Show that I still had to see and chilled out and then conscious of the mammoth task in front of me, did a little work on the book. There is a long, long way to go and I worked out that I have just 15 weeks to do it all. It will be fine, I am sure, though there is the small matter of the tour to fit into that time as well. How exciting.
My youngest nephew turned up this afternoon. He has got some work experience in London and is going to be staying here for nearly four weeks. I mean, I like him well enough in small doses, but that's a long time. And he can only be what... let's see, I was 20 when he was born and I'm 24 now... four years old. I mean I know kids these days start procreating early, but surely a four year old can be no use to anyone. He's only going to create more work for them. My nephew claims that he turned 21 in January and that he's at college now, but that's just the kind of crazy shit that four year olds make up. They have no real concept of time or age and think that they're fairies or monsters and all kinds of crap. It's tragic just how deluded he is really.
And of course he's not getting paid for his job, so he's not paying me any rent or anything, all thanks to the spurious excuse that we're related to each other. That's bullshit don't you think? Just because we're composed of similar genetic material doesn't mean we get free board and lodgings for as long as we want. I can't think of any of my immediate family who have let me live in their house for a protracted period of time and fed me and clothed me and expected nothing much in return for that privilege. So why do I have to start shelling out now? Within seconds of arriving he was quaffing down my tap water as if it was free. But it isn't free. My water rates ensure that each glass he was drinking had a value of a fraction of a pence. Over four weeks that figure is only going to rise exponentially. My guess is he's going to cost me 12 to 17 pence in tap water alone.
The sponging little prick.
And what have I got in return? Love? I don't think so. The tiny idiot didn't even
let me beat him at tennis when I was mad and desperate. Now he turns up expecting shelter and tap water. It makes you sick.
That was five years ago now, when my nephew must have been minus one year old. It's a pretty poor show that I couldn't even beat a sperm and an egg, even if they were essentially playing doubles.
Maybe I have got his age a little bit wrong. There is nothing like young people to make you appreciate the passage of time. My eldest nephew is not only working now (as a teacher) but has been recently promoted. I've never been promoted in my life. Though at least that nephew really has only had six birthdays, as he was born on the 29th February. It only seems like yesterday that he was playing peekaboo behind the tree with me and laughing at jokes about wee. But in fact it was four days ago. Ha ha, I am funny.
I realise that in terms of growing up and taking responsibility I am being lapped by the next generation down. It's hard to pretend they are still little kids when they come swaggering into your house, lugging a massive suitcase up the stairs (which looks like it has at least three months worth of stuff in it - do you think he might be tricking me?). Yes, it's hard, but as you can see luckily I can still just about get away with it. I am still in my twenties, so they can't possibly be.
Yes.
