Channel surfing after a day of doing little to nothing - I was going to see my nephew running the Marathon, but felt too tired even to watch and knew all that wanking would have exhausted him so much that he'd never manage to beat my 4 hour 17 minute and 50 second Herring family record (male members only). However perhaps all he has been doing all these months is refining an ejaculation propulsion system in which the force of orgasm, if directed appropriately will send him speeding forwards - either that or he found a short cut - as he managed an unbelievable 3:35:19. And aside from his Peeping Tom style Onanism his only training seemed to involve getting drunk every night, so his achievement is all the more incredible and unobtainable. I am glad I stayed at home.
Anyway, I chanced across a new episode of
"Last of the Summer Wine" on the BBC HD Channel. Not only was I amazed this show was still in existence, as I had thought all the major characters apart from the wonderful Peter Sallis had died. I am in no way suggesting Sallis is a murderer, but it seems suspicious that everyone he has ever worked with on this show has suffered an untimely demise. It is more likely that Sallis is a vampire, living off the blood of his co stars. Or maybe a Were-rabbit and the Wallace and Grommit thing is actually a documentary or an attempt to warn the world at least.
It is astonishing to discover that this show is on its 30th series, and it has become it seems a little retirement home for Britain's most loved sitcom actors, with the surviving stars of "Are You Being Served" and "Terry and June" and "George and Mildred" (they should do a series of "George and June") all taking part. Plus Russ Abbott, who is a relatively spritely 61. But seeing him in there made me realise that they don't have to have too many more series until I am eligible for a part. If they can survive the loss of Compo and Nora Batty then there's no reason why it can't carry on forever. But it makes me worry that "Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps" might still be going in another 50 years time. When the BBC stick with something they really fucking stick with it. Though I would advise then that "Last of the Summer Wine" is probably one show that no one wants to see in HD. Although the countryside looks very nice, having every wrinkle so clearly defined at tea time is not doing anyone any favours.
It is mightily impressive that Roy Clarke, who is nearly 80, is still churning this stuff out. I can't say I've ever been a massive fan of this show or indeed any of his stuff (Open All Hours and Keeping Up Appearances being his other notable shows), but just as I hope that I am capable of emulating Ken Dodd, it would be amazing to be still writing for TV at that age. And clearly there is an audience for this stuff, even though all the original fans of "Wine" will be up in Heaven now with the original cast, watching Compo falling backwards into a pond and rolling down the hill in a bath.
Anyway it's all some kind of an achievement, even if I never watch it I am happy to let it roll onward like a bath careering towards a pond, without ever reaching the pond.
If it can survive the demise of Roy Clarke then it surely will never die.
And if I fail to get a part in it in 2020, then at least I suppose I will be touring seaside towns in the Best of British with Punt and Dennis and Dennis Pennis. Either future gives me something to look forward to.
