I made a decision to be funny in
this week's podcast, and fired up by some of the idiotic things people have said on email and the internet I think I managed to be so. We had had a guy who had emailed Andrew to let him know that he had unsubscribed from the podcast following my rant about how children were nothing to be proud of and were in fact a kind of sexual excrement. He made a point of saying that he'd enjoyed the podcast previously, but now we'd overstepped a line. I'm not sure what it was exactly that he didn't like": the fact that I was suggesting that the creation of new life was not a holy process, but something that every parent should really be ashamed of or the fact that I discussed what would happen if I made a baby of my own out of my daily bodily excrements, but it was, according to this fellow, a step too far.
I have no problem with him not liking that or with him unsubscribing. It's rather sanctimonious to email to tell us and it's also a bit hypocritical if he's enjoyed similarly offensive and fantastical things in other podcasts. He either didn't realise I was joking in those and thought I believed that I fucked tortoises through wounds in their shell (for example), or he didn't care about tortoises and thought they were fair game to be maligned. Perhaps the subjects of children was too close to his heart - maybe he'd had a baby made out of shit that had died - but then that's a rather hypocritical attitude to have: feel free to make jokes about whatever you like, unless it's something that I care about in which case obviously that isn't funny any more.
To be honest it was such a fantastical and clearly untrue thing to be upset about - I think children are great and was, if anything, just trying to question the received opinion that they are all amazing and must be exulted at all times - but it seems weird to me that someone can listen happily to so much filth and nonsense and presumably understand it for what it is and then get crazy when something they don't like comes along. Not that I expect everyone to like everything I do (especially in a podcast that we are making up as we go along with NO preparation), just that wouldn't the normal response to think, "Twat" and forget about it and hope I didn't do it again or to unsubscribe and not bother to write to us?
Still I am glad people are such pricks because it provided good fodder for a rant, plus allowed me to do an even longer and more disgusting routine on the same subject.
To get upset by anything the podcast Richard Herring says is ludicrous. You should be upset by some of the stuff that comes out of Andrew Collings' mouth though, because he isn't even a character.
If only I could unsubscribe from the fucking thing I would. But Andrew has nothing without it and I feel I have a responsibility to him now. I am like Tom Cruise in Rainman, except that at least Dustin Hoffman had some usable skills.
For some insane reason 6Music are letting us go on to the proper radio on the 31st to fill in for the Jon Richardson show. Hopefully the podcast Richard Herring will be left in his attic for that one.
Anyway podcast 63 was one of the rare good ones. Either be offended by all of it or none of it though please. Because to genuinely take offence at only one of the things I say on it would mark you out as a very strange person with a very unusual ethical code.
Will someone please think of the children?
And how they were created.
Disgusting isn't it? You parents out there should be ashamed of yourself.
At least I dispose of my gametes down the toilet where they belong.
