I finally got my new card for the gym I have transferred to. Once through the barriers the woman on reception called me back. I had to have my photo taken for the system. My heart sank, but I laughed at the same time. For the rest of my gym going days whenever anyone swipes my card they will be greeted of a photo of me with a Hitler 'tache. That's it. As far as Virgin and Richard Branston are concerned I am a Hitler impersonator. I was rather self-conscious as she pointed the camera at me. What was she thinking? Whatever it was she said nothing. I imagine that in the photo I also sport a guilty and embarrassed smirk.
I was doing a gig in Brighton tonight and rather than suffer the awful car journey there and/or back (last time I went it took me a total of 10 hours on the road to get there and then back home), I decided to get the train and because I thought it would be a late finish I booked a hotel too. I stayed at the trendy and modern
myhotel where I have been once before. It's a really excellent place to stay and I got a good deal so it wasn't massively expensive, but they seem to have their act together and by doing a couple of simple things they really help you settle in. I stay in a lot of cheap and mid range hotels and you mainly feel like you as a customer are an inconvenience they have to put up with to make money and that they will take every opportunity to milk a bit more cash out of you if they can.
But at this funky and fun hotel they give you free wifi (alas only my email worked on it, but I didn't really need to go online and I am sure they'd have sorted it out if I'd asked) and they also give you a special connector for you iPod, which you plug into a socket in the wall and which then plays your music through speakers in the ceiling. That is a great touch and it filled me with child-like glee. If you could tell the teenage me, who believed that a Sony Walkman was about as sophisticated as a music entertainment system could ever be, that he'd be able to have 100s of records on one device that was about a fifth of the size (and was also a phone, personal organiser, games system and internet browser- whatever that was) and then plug it into a wall and music would fill the room he would assume it was necromancy. Even the practically 42 year old me was pretty close to jumping to the same conclusion. I only had time to listen to a few tracks (and foolishly didn't think of trying out "Who is Virgilio Anderson?" - what would the teenage me make of his 41 year old self providing the vocals to a commercially available song?) but it was still an awesome experience and it made me feel happy and relaxed rather than stressed out and used and dirty like most hotels do. The Travelodge might be kind enough to leave a bogey on the shower curtain for a fortunate few visitors, but this hotel is in a different class. The room also had a DVD player which was another cool touch and had I had time I might have watched Charlie Chaplin in "The Great Dictator" but alas I had to get to my gig.
Anyway, for those of you who were asking on Twitter, I think this is the place to stay in this town. Make sure you book through laterooms or similar though, as the actual quoted rates are pretty high. There are some even funkier and more impressive suites and bigger rooms if you have money to burn. But it's worth it to have your own music piped into the room, but what I can presume are tiny elves in the ceiling with an orchestra of instruments and who are capable of listening to your music and then instantaneously recreating it. It's the only thing that makes sense.
And hoteliers learn the lesson that it only takes the tiniest of gestures to make your customers feel appreciated and happy and decide that they will come and stay at your place again. The shower curtain bogey was a nice gamble, Cambridge Travelodge, but alas it only served to ensure that I never, ever stay at your chain again.
It was another encouraging gig, though a lot of people told me that they hadn't heard about it until I tweeted about it in the afternoon. I am back in Brighton three times in July (and also in September and then back at the comedy festival in October). Take a look at the gig guide to see when and where.
And given I am nothing if not a self-publicising twat, I should also mention that the Lyric comedy nights start up again in September. I've just started booking them and though I can't confirm the names just yet, the September one has two big TV stars pencilled in already and I am hopeful of getting a mixture of big names you'll know, the best people on the circuit that you might not have heard of yet, plus exciting newer acts who will not have had the opportunity to play such a big theatre (Both Holly Walsh and Jack Whitehall did unpaid spots in the last few months and now they're both on TV - I can spot the talent). I will keep you up to date with who I've booked as soon as they're confirmed, but I'd say it is definitely worth taking a chance on the first one.
You can book here. Tickets are £15, but there's some £10 tickets if you're quick. What with this, Edinburgh and "As It Occurs To Me" there are a lot of opportunities to see me this year! Accidentally I suddenly feel like I am at the cutting edge of comedy. Thank God I didn't get successful or none of this would be happening.
Why not have Nathan Jay (featuring Richard Herring)'s "Who is Virgilio Anderson?" tune as your ringtone. Go to
this website to download it for free. But it'd be nice if you also pay back Nathan for all his hard work (and to make up for him being a twatface) by also buying it
here. It's only 79p dudes! If a few thousand of you buy it we could get to number one in the charts. Then we'd find out who Virgilio Anderson is.
And more podcast based internet fun. Someone has put my version of "Ha ha ha. You think this is the real Quaid? It is!" over the actual footage from the film.
I am the new Rory Bremners.
