My oh my today was a beautiful and wasted day. Though as a comedian I can never be sure that such a day is a waste.
In the morning I saw that #MrsSlocombespussy was a trending topic on Twitter and was incensed that that had managed to make it onto the list when I had failed to get #virgilioanderson on last week. So I wrote "Who is Virgilio Anderson? #virgilio anderson Please RT and make this a trending topic. Our entreaty must be answered" in the hope that we might have more success this time.
For some reason (and I think it might have been the fact that at the time most people in America were still asleep) after only a few minutes Virgilio appeared in the trending topic list.
And from then for a few wasted hours, things just snowballed. I tweeted "For those of you wondering who #virgilioanderson is, the word on the street is he's the real father of Michael Jackson's kids. Spread word." But other people started suggesting their own theories and spreading their own rumours. They are too numerous to mention here, but most of them were very funny stuff. And now Virgilio Anderson was in the trending topics other people were just tweeting to genuinely ask "Who is Virgilio Anderson?" It was amusing me greatly. Before long midday had passed and I had done nothing at all apart from watch they mayhem build, though I observed that I was still possibly working as there might be some show or routine in all that was going on.
After a bit of a battle with #mrsslocombespussy #virgilioanderson made it to second on the list. I had never felt so alive. It only had #moonfruit to beat. But the reason #moonfruit was there was because they were offering the chance to win a Macbook to anyone who retweeted their name. I couldn't afford to make such bold and expensive gestures, so I quickly looked round my lounge and found an old copy of "Four Weddings and a Funeral" on VHS and offered that as a prize for one lucky person who retweeted the story. It was a genuine offer (and it's been won by @philrunslondon) and literally ones of people excitedly tried to win. Alas I don't have a copy of Virgilio's favourite film "Ferris Bueller's Day off", but "Four Weddings" does fit into one of his favourite film genres ("Other") so I am sure he'd be happy with the choice.
I managed to pull myself away from the computer and head to the gym, but I was quickly on my iPhone keeping an eye on what was going on. And my delight and excitement was made complete when the ubiquitous @stephenfry tweeted, "Goodness! Just spotted #virgilioanderson on a boat bound for Lucerne. Either that or his exact double."
How's that for a viral meme or whatever they're called?
I suddenly wondered if this was going to turn into an unstoppable force beyond my control. Virg-An stayed in the trending topics with people helping to spread confusion and misinformation pretty much until America began to wake, when he quickly slipped down to 10th. But he was hanging in there and I hoped we could spread the word through this distant and waking continent, but it wasn't to be. It was amazing fun to see the game spreading through to so many people, all of them delighting in it rather than being dicks. I felt oddly proud to have started this and the comedy teenage fanboy within me was bubbling over with excitement about Stephen Fry having written about something that I was involved with.
I don't know what Virgilio is making of all this, if he is even real, and knows about it. He hasn't answered my message or befriended me. Yet he is gaining more and more prescence on the internet with people creating songs and videos about him
like this one or
this Spartacus spoof. And last I heard Nathan Jay's superior song is at 3rd in the indiestore chart -
Make it number one - it's only 79p.
Maybe Virgilio Anderson fever has now peaked, but then I thought that last week. And once those 90 odd people (I mean there are a few more than 90 of them, but coincidentally they are odd too) have their T shirts - which we're still waiting to get delivery of - then who knows?
I am going to try to wear my T shirt on "You Have Been Watching" which is on Channel 4 at 10pm on Tuesday. Though I think they might not let me. We shall see.
After wasting another precious day of my ever diminishing life I at least did something useful and worthwhile by going out to the Museum of London to take part in the last ever (supposedly) Laughter in Odd Places. It was a wonderful collection of both performers and audience members and I enjoyed the free beers and watching Terry Saunders and Ben Moor and looking at historical artifacts. My set went pretty well too, and though I knew I was drunk and was worried I might falter, somehow magically all the words came out of my mouth crystal clear. I did knock over my beer, but luckily at that point an even drunker man came and sat on the floor in front of my stage and I was able to banter with him. He was well meaning and no trouble, though he kept calling me a "cunt" almost under his breath. "Are you just drunk or do you have Tourette's" I asked him after a few exchanges, "Because this is funny if you're pissed, but not if you've got an unfortunate condition. Do you have Tourette's?"
"I hope so," he came back and I agreed, "Yeah at least that would give you some excuse. You're thinking, "I hope I have undiagnosed Tourette's syndrome because if not then I'm just a dick." He took it all in good spirit and it was a charming and fun gig. It was a very middle class audience and enjoyed the uncomfortable and tense silence as I suggested that maybe racists were on to something. Sometimes as a comedian there are more satisfying sounds than laughter. And this was one of those times. Luckily they laughed when they saw where I was going with this idea. Now if I can just settle down and do some work and stop dicking around on Twitter all day long then the new show might be quite good. Or I an just read out my tweets.
I did find this magical story in the London Lite on the way to the gig which I was just able to read out without much comment. I don't know how funny the journalist thought the story was, but if they were playing it for laughs they were being quite subtle.
"Jacko's pet chimpanzee Bubbles is unlikely to be invited to his funeral. Bubbles, now 26 and living in a Florida animal sanctuary, has yet to be told of Jackson's death." Come on, what do I need to add to that really? Is he capable of understanding speech or indeed the concept of death? Maybe he is.
"On the day of the funeral, the chimp will be listening to "calming flute music"". I hope someone has told him what's going on by then, or he's going to wonder why he's suddenly having to listen to calming music.
The article ends, "Two tigers kept by Jackson were told of his death by their guardian, the former actress Tippi Hedren."
Perfect punchline. Now I guess it's possible that a monkey can communicate, but these tigers are either capable of understanding English or Tippi Hedren is a Dr Doolittle figure who can talk in Tiger. Either way this is the story of the decade and should be on the front page of the paper rather than tucked away on page 7. I hope the tigers are coping with their loss. Well done London Lite for making us consider the real victims of this awful event.
