Out to the countryside for a birthday party in the autumn sunshine. I managed to maintain my alcoholic abstinence despite the temptation of beer on ice. But I think the residue of Edinburgh excess is still in my blood stream as I am still not missing it at all and was glad to have the "Get Out of Jail Free" card of being the designated driver. "Not drinking?" "No, I'm driving." Check mate.
Unless someone says, "Well you could have just one."
But then you can say, "I've already had one."
Check mate.
Unless they say, "But you're not leaving for six hours, you can have another one."
But then you can say, "I have a serious sexually transmitted infection and am on antibiotics and if I drink any alcohol my genitals will fall off."
Check mate. Plus a 100% guarantee that the person badgering you will not be bothering you for the rest of the party.
I wasn't interested in booze though, because the food was much more tempting. There was a hog roast. Although it wasn't going to be ready til after 4. But to keep the anticipation going the pig we were all going to eat was slowly roasting in one corner of the garden. It was slightly disconcerting to see the dead pig cooking on the spit, though it was usually hidden from view inside the portable trailer oven it had come in. But it probably wasn't as disconcerting as if the pig had turned up alive and had been allowed to roam around the garden a bit, making friends with us all, before it got skewered from mouth to arse, basted and cooked.
The old vegetarian me would doubtless have been horrified and disgusted, but the modern day meat eating me was not even put off a little bit. I just wanted the food to hurry and be ready. And it would have been a shame for this pig to give up its life and then not have that sacrifice appreciated.
So for that reason and that reason alone I went back for seconds. And hoped that no super intelligent alien pigs happened to land on earth at this exact location and exact time and were enjoying the hospitality, until they happened to spot where the food was coming from.
