The one thing I scarcely use my iPhone for is its main function as a phone. I surf the internet and send texts or tweets and am pleased that I rarely actually have to speak to anyone.
And it is some indication of this that I didn't realise my phone was malfunctioning after yesterday's mishap until after midday today, when I tried to ring my girlfriend and only got the sound of silence.
This was gutting. Everything else was working fine, but not the phone and as little as I use it, it is still a necessity - I never use my land-line any more (and keep meaning to look into whether any phone company will provide broadband only with no calls provided - easier to mention that here and wait for one of you to advise me).
I think I might be eligible for a new phone now, but it still seemed wasteful to have to give up this otherwise functioning phone that is only about 7 months old.
When I got home I discovered that the phone still worked on speakerphone (which would not always be convenient) and also with headphones and bluetooth devices. So all was not lost. A quick tweet about it came up with all kinds of solutions and it seems likely that my phone is just stuck on headphone mode, believing (if a phone is capable of belief - if any phone is, the iPhone is) that the headphones I was using when the accident occurred are still in place. Some people thought the thing was fucked, others suggested inserting and removing the headphones several times might do the trick. I also have the option, as yet untested, of restoring factory settings. It seems drastic, though I suppose nearly everything is backed up - though not my Yahtzee statistics. Is it worth losing them.
I not only have a bluetooth earpiece, bur some headphones with a phone attachment and think I am happy enough to always try and use one of these solutions if the problem does not right itself. I had kept forgetting to take my headphones with me, which was annoying as I like to listen to podcasts on the train, so this might be a good thing.
Except that I then somehow managed to fuck up my in ear headphones (I think I may have just pushed them too far into my ear and clogged them up with whatever unguents might have been deep inside that cavity) so now they are practically mono, which is very annoying. I might have to bite the bullet and just pay for a repair.
And there was me thinking it was going to be good to have an iPhone battery pack and to use my iPhone whilst exercising. Hubris my friends. I spend more on this bloody thing then I would on a child. But a child would not be as entertaining. And I'd probably get into trouble if I dropped one when I was exercising on a running machine. So maybe it's best I stick with the iPhone and when I can keep that safe I move on to caring for human beings.
I had a meeting with a radio producer this afternoon who expressed astonishment that I did not already have a show of my own. She couldn't understand that and to be honest, nor can I. I wonder why I don't. I am really good. You know compared to most of the hopeless twats that seem to get on surprisingly easily. It's a ridiculous injustice.
What have I done wrong? Why is this the case? My best guess is that it's nothing to do with my own incompetence, or fear of failure which drives me to not actually try to push my career onwards. No. Instead, I believe, my management company are actually working against me. I don't think you could call me a paranoid person, but it seems likely that some rival is paying them to ensure that I never get any major job like most of my contemporaries now have. Oh, they're clever - they get me some work, just to give me the hope that I am bubbling under and that something might happen for me and get me enough money to live a comfortable and happy life, but they sabotage all the big opportunities at the word of this mysterious Mr X. They are all toying with me like I am a mouse in a web and they are a mouse-eating spider. It's the only explanation. And who is the mastermind keeping me down in this mouse web, whilst his own career goes from strength to strength?
I am saying nothing.
Doubtless this foolish producer who doesn't know about the mysterious powers that are keeping me in this terrible place of personal contentment and mild success (which is actually much the best place for anyone to be) will very soon find that she has been sacked or moved to another position or just run over in a hit and run "accident" like all the others who have dared to champion me.
Or maybe this time I should actually work hard at an idea and get it in on time and show some back-bone and ambition.
But it's obviously the first thing that is responsible - the management working against me thing. There are dark forces. And it's lovely they are there because it means none of us ever have to blame ourselves for anything.
And yet things do seem to continue to progress in a way that feels much closer than usual to success. Over 300 people came to see my show tonight (twice as many as last Tuesday) and Friday is sold out, with only seats in the slips available for Saturday. It's a shame that the run is only two weeks long, because it seems that the word is spreading. And I really enjoyed performing tonight. It's strange the way that sometimes everything just comes together right, though obviously a larger audience really helps create that mood. But I was relaxed and it flowed easily and I was able to take my time and perform. Whereas last Wednesday it felt like I was trapped in quicksand, unable to move and even breathing in all the wrong places.
On a night like tonight I feel like I am a proper comedian and a good one as well.
Such a shame about the dark forces ensuring that I will never get anywhere.
And with my broken phone they might not even be able to get through to me even if I did get a job.
So there's no real point in working on that radio idea and disappointing myself.
I'll just play Conquest instead.
