A couple of lovely lie-ins and I am almost back to feeling myself again rather than a neurotic on the edge of cardiac arrest. And quite a relief to get through the last month and finally get a couple of proper days off. Not that I would be free of comedy, because tomorrow we're recording two Collings and Herrin podcasts and tonight I would be attending the Chortle awards and this lunchtime I would be cycling to Ladbroke Grove for the ominous task of signing off my budget for Edinburgh 2010. Well at least for the main show "Christ on a Bike: The Second Coming" which I can now tell you will be on at the Assembly Rooms Ballroom at 9.45pm for the whole festival (though Assembly Rooms as with some other venues is not open on the first Wednesday). I have never done a show at the Assembly Rooms before, but as I said last year, I could no longer stand the conditions in the sweat box at the Underbelly and this venue is much more grown-up and civilised and has disabled access (which was another slight embarrassment with the White Belly, that I was collecting for SCOPE in a venue that it was something of a bind for any disabled person - and for that matter non-disabled person - to actually get to). But it's also about twice as large a venue. So it is exciting, but terrifying. I hope my regular audience will be happy to come down the hill and that they will all bring a friend with them. I hope to see you there.
I will also be appearing on the Five Pound Fringe at GRV1 from Wednesday to Sunday of the weeks 1 and 2 at 3pm with Mr Andrew Collings, recording podcasts (and whilst some of these will be available for free from usual places we are thinking about charging a small amount for some of them). Even more crazily I am probably going to be doing a one off AIOTM in week 3, but time and place are yet to be confirmed. I imagine it will be an hour of me crying and questioning why I even thought about taking on such an undertaking.
I will be letting you know when tickets are on sale for all of these shows as it will be worth booking ahead (at least for the podcast shows which should sell out fairly sharpish - I hope).
And though I was once again going to be overlooked by the Chortle awards (still hoping that I might get something for innovation even though I knew that they would have forewarned me if I had) I could at least console myself with the news that I have, for the first time, been invited to be a panelist on "Have I Got News For You?" in April. The bad news for any of you with tickets to see me at the York City benefit is that the recording is on the 7th April. I tried to get a different date and got in touch with the promoter of the gig to explain the situation, feeling genuinely torn and saying I would still do the gig if all else failed, but he thankfully said it would be lunacy not to do HIGNFY and we're rearranging the benefit (probably for the 14th). Many apologies if you can't make that date, but I hope you appreciate that this is a pretty good reason for rescheduling. For me this is as big a deal as being asked to do "Just a Minute" and not just because of the Paul Merton connection (though he is one of my stand up heroes). It's a similarly difficult gig and I will also, once again, have to do it with my toothbrush moustache on my face. But I am excited about being asked and also quite pleased that I didn't just immediately tell the York City people to stick their gig up their arse despite the importance of this TV appearance.
It crowns a very important year for me, things have been building slowly and steadily over the last twelve months and I have achieved some important milestones (and surely worked harder than practically any comedian in the country) completing the Headmaster's Son tour and DVD, writing "How Not To Grow Up", daring to have a toothbrush moustache on my face for several months for the sake of my art, writing be my best received and attended stand up show ever, creating possibly the first stand up and sketch show podcast written and performed in the space of 48 hours for ten weeks in a row, making a success of the Collings and Herrin podcasts (with the slight help of Andrew Collins) and selling out live gigs, as well as finally getting some regular professional engagements together and carrying on this stupid, fucking blog for over seven years without missing a single day.
Stewart had rung me and asked me to pick up his award if he won it and though we knew he probably hadn't (as no one had told him that he had) I was hoping to go up and list my own achievements before ungraciously saying, but of course Stewart wins the award for just repeating the same thing over and over again with slightly different intonations for half an hour each week.
But I wasn't going to be able to do that as I couldn't even win an award that was someone else's (though in reality I think Stewart was robbed and much as I like Michael Macintyre I am incredulous that comedy fans would vote for him above Stewart - almost to the point of wanting to suggest that I don't think they did - but not quite to that point).
There was a moment or two when after five or six free beers (kindly paid for by Chortle supremo Steve Bennett) I couldn't quite believe that another year was going to go by with not even a slight official nod, but mainly I just enjoyed chatting with the other comedians, getting drunk, laughing at Mark Watson's extremely funny hosting of the event, hearing Armando Iannucci's hilarious stories about the Oscars ceremony and conceding that pretty much everyone who won deserved their accolade.
There are dozens of other brilliant comedians out there, working almost as hard as I do and some of them are nearly as funny as me too, so I can't really complain.
I know that my progress is its own reward and that by hook or by crook I am making headway and the many kinds comments and gestures of the people who enjoy my stuff or have been cheered up by it after some awful calamity in their lives, or made to think about some stuff that they wouldn't have thought about or even have just been annoyed and angered by a joke are what my job is really all about.
Fuck it, I am making a good living from doing stand up and people are coming to see me and a publisher is putting my book out and I have been on Just a Minute and am going to be on HIGNFY and a lot of people would dream of all these things (including me about six years ago).
But I am only human and we all crave this ridiculous and hollow affirmation of who we are from a jury of our peers.
But what would I do if I actually won something? It would really fuck up the monthly Warming Up entry where I complain about these things. If I ever stop and think about it I know that I am pretty much the luckiest twart in the world.
I know I am an enormous prick. You don't have to tell me. I am going to shut up about it now, at least until I fail to get nominated for a Sony award.
