Incredibly I got to play the O2 Arena tonight. One day I am on Radio 4 and the next I am a superstar. Well, not quite. It was the Indigo Room which only holds 1700 people as opposed to the 15,000 or however many it is that can fit into the big venue. Though 1700 isn't to be sniffed at and is still in the top 5 largest crowds I have performed to. Also they weren't all there to see me, exactly. I was on a bill of excellent comics, headlined by David Baddiel and was only on stage for 10 minutes. But FORGET THAT, what is important is that I have played the O2 arena, on the same stage that Prince has played. I am a God. Have you played the O2 arena? Probably not. Thus I win. You are not worthy.
I enjoyed the gig, although it all passed in a bit of a blur. I had been a bit tired and out of it all day and none of this quite seemed real. I didn't feel any nerves at all and it felt like pretty much any other gig once I was on there. My tried and tested 10 all worked and there were laughs and one woman sounded like she was about to expire, but aside from the loudness of the response it was just like playing in a much smaller room. I think this is all positive though. I am used to this kind of gig now and it doesn't freak me out any more. I felt relaxed and comfortable on stage. And calm before and after. I have come along way since I made those tentative first steps back to doing stand up six years ago. That I was happy on stage and the fact I was asked to do the gig in the first place are both encouraging signs and I think all of the comics backstage probably felt that a gig like this, in a venue like this, with a rather impressive fee for just a sixth of an hour's actual work, was something that made the years of work to get to this point seem worthwhile. Apart from David none of us could really hope to fill this place alone, but evenso it was a change from some of the venues we might be used to playing on a Friday night and we had free Haribo and Cadbury Animal biscuits and some Doritos and carrot sticks and some dips and some sausage rolls. It was an unusual rider and there were only small amounts of each and I wondered who had put that together. Perhaps David Baddiel has very specific requirements, but if so most of the food had gone before he arrived. The small packs of the Animal biscuits were the strangest item. I used to love those when I was 5 and tried to get my mum to buy them every time we went to the corner shop, but I can't imagine why anyone would buy them for adult comedians on such an occasion. But I ate a pack and enjoyed it and it gave me a Proustian flashback. Maybe the people at the O2 are super clever. Maybe they had been in touch with my mum to find out what forgotten food would bring happy childhood memories flowing back.
After I was done I hung around and chatted for a while, but then left out of the back entrance and got a lift from Andrew Maxwell back to the station along with Tim Key. We were driving around the Milennium Dome where most people never get to go and it felt like we were three James Bonds, if you ignored the child seat next to me. Sometimes this job is bizarre and exciting and easy. But alas it takes some work to get to this stage and there is some way to go before every night is like this.
And even without the high of too much adrenaline or nerves, I still felt oddly empty and mildly blue by the time I got home. It must be hard to cope with reality when every day is like this and you have a limited amount of Cadbury Animal biscuits everywhere you go.
I am James Bond and this is an odd job.
