I tried to make the most of my Ipad today, because as of tomorrow it will be embarrassing ancient tech that only an idiot would have. Such are the consequences of progress. A status symbol one day and a millstone the next. The iPad has been useful enough as a portable internet device when I am on the radio or for watching films and playing games when I am traveling, but I don't think it's all that brilliant. I thought it would be useful for writing my blog when I was on the road, but the onscreen keyboard is too fiddly to write long documents and the attachable keyboard is much too cumbersome, difficult to carry and also not all that reliable anyway (and you have to have a very solid surface to use it on). I am in the process of trying to curtail my 3G connection for the iPad, though O2 are being very unhelpful about it and seem to be having difficulty locating me on their system (though have no difficulty taking money out of my bank account). I certainly won't be upgrading to the iPad 2 and for my needs have found the Macbook Air (combined with the tethering on my iPhone - Steve Jobs has made some money out of me this year) is right for my needs. Ultra-portable and a pretty impressive (and cheaper) internet connection and it also works as a computer rather than just a toy. Tablet computers might be the future, but they will need to significantly improve before I buy another one. I don't think there is enough difference between the iPad 1 and iPad 2 to justify anyone upgrading, except for that feeling of redundancy of a status symbol that I mentioned at the start.
Off to Sheffield today, which in the last couple of years has emerged as one of the cities that supports me the most. Last year I sold about 400 tickets, this year the venue was sold out (about 450 seats) and it was one of the best shows of the tour. Mainly because I got one of my all time favourite heckles. When I suggested that doing this show would result in some religious nut stabbing me in the face with a knitting needle, a voice chipped in from the back of the room informing me that no true knitter would use a knitting needle to stab someone. Which was funny on many levels. Partly that they had sat through the rest of the show, unmoved by any of the offensive bits, but now felt moved to comment when I dared to denigrate the knitting community. It was now time to speak up. And partly because it is possible to stab someone with a knitting needle without being someone who knits. But as with most of the heckles I have got on this tour, this was delightfully left field and gave me lots to play with. I had to apologise profusely to the knitting community for any offence caused, but also explained how at stand up school they don't teach you to deal with this. There's no one saying, "Now obviously you're going to get a lot of knitting based heckles, from disgruntled members of the knitting community, so you need to be prepared and this is how you should respond." And so it went on. I told the woman that that was probably about the funniest heckle I had ever had and that she should rest on her laurels and never heckle again. "You can take the rest of your life off," I remarked. And it's true. Because that is the thing that everyone will remember from the show. And unlike some hecklers she didn't get over excited by her success and chip in every couple of minutes. She just did her funny heckle, which opened up the possibility for me to do a few funny moments of unscripted knitting based stuff and then we moved on.
At the Saatchi Gallery the other day I saw one of the artists quoting Alfred Hitchcock saying a work of art is never finished it is just abandonned and I think that's spot on. The show continues to develop and improve and I am tinkering with it constantly. But tonight Christ on a Bike felt like my best show yet, in terms of content and performance. It's easier in front of 400+ people, but I feel in control and when I get it right there is a precision to it all, but also moments where I allow myself to leap into the void and see what comes up. But all my energies go into the performance and I think a lot of the improvement is down to my increasing professionalism.
I was thinking about the old days of touring with Stewart and the actor Kevin Eldon and Peter Baynham and Richard Thomas. We used to get properly pissed every night, eat late night curries, stay up all night and then somehow get to the next town and do it all again. We were younger and more able to cope with the demands we were putting our bodies through. But not that much more. We just can't have given our best every single night. I marvel at our stamina, though do recall lying on dressing room floors an hour before gigs trying to sleep, so maybe it got to us more than I think. It was more about what went on off stage in those days, now my touring life is reversed and all that matters is that two hours when I am on stage. This is a good thing for you the audience and for my liver. It also just goes to prove that you only become good at this job through hard work and putting in the hours. I now just want to be the best comedian I can possibly be. There were times tonight when I knew I was really nailing it. And consequently I know the people who saw the show tonight will want to come again next year. And maybe bring a friend. And so it slowly and steadily builds. And very gratifying to see this progression having happened over the last few years. And Sheffield rocket into my top 5 cities to play on tour.
Back in my hotel I looked for the soap by the sink but it had disappeared. I lifted up stuff looking for it. Where had it gone? Then I realised I was back in a room with a dispenser on the wall. Even though this exact same thing had happened to me in reverse yesterday, I was still discombobulated enough to not make the obvious assumption. I am not sure how long my sanity will hold out. But the first three gigs of this run of the tour have flown by, so hopefully I can keep it together.
