My struggles with O2 to shut down the 3G on my iPad continued. The man at the UK only call centre (and I actually hate the fact that they tell you that) had told me that he couldn't find my iPad details on his system, which I had found frankly unbelievable - O2 seems capable of finding my details when they take money out of my account - and had asked me if I could go into an O2 store where they would be able to find out the necessary details to locate and shut down my account. As I am on the road this is quite inconvenient, but I managed to locate a store in Sheffield and hoped I could fit in a quick visit between paying in my SCOPE money and going to the radio station to do some interviews.
When I got there though the man I spoke to was dumbfounded at the very suggestion that he could assist me. He said there was no way for facility for him to access the accounts or to find out any of the necessart details and if I didn't have the mobile number of my simcard there was nothing anyone could do to help me. I have all the emails and order numbers from the original purchase, and he was able to look at the sim and take the number written on it, but no email had the mobile number. Maybe I had been given it when the iPad arrived at my house, but I wasn't at home. What if my iPad had been stolen? Surely if they were taking money from me there was a quick way to find my account. But apparently not. My name and address were inexplicably not enough.
He tried taking the sim out of the iPad and putting it in a phone so he could ring up their phone and get my number from the caller display. Even I could have told him that that woudln't work. The simcard in the iPad is not a phone simcard. It didn't work.
I was a little frustrated by the company's inability to close down an account or to find a customer on their system. All on the day of the iPad2 launch when they presumably were trying to encourage people that they were a good provider for 3G service.
This was poor. The man on the phone couldn't help me and the man in the shop couldn't help me. I realised if I didn't sort this out right now it would drag on for months. So I rang O2 again and explained the situation. But they still couldn't find me on their system.
The woman told me that I would have to go to my bank and get some special code or number from the purchase of the iPad back in June and they should then be able to locate my account. This did not make me happy. I had bought the iPad from them. I had given them order numbers and my address. Why did I have to now go and find out more information that they should have at the click of a mouse? And what were the chances that it would even help when they did? Was this just massive incompetence on their part or a deliberate attempt to obsfucate in the hope that I would get bored and not bother to cancel my contract. I don't know which option is worse. I was partly to blame for not knowing the mobile number of my simcard, but who knows the mobile number of a simcard that is never used as a phone (someone on Twitter told me later that you are able to find the mobile number of your device via the settings anyway and someone else said I could cancel it from my iPad - if so it would be nice to think that one of the staff of the company might know these details).
I was too busy to go and bother the bank (who have enough things to worry about themselves) and asked the woman if I could speak to someone higher up the chain of command. She said she could get her supervisor to call me back, but it would be some time in the next 48 hours. I did not think this was good enough. I had been dicked around enough and I wasn't prepared to let this drag on. So I told her that this was unacceptable and that I was a journalist who worked for the BBC (which is technically true), that it was ludicrous that they couldn't find me on their own system and that I wanted to speak to someone immediately. I was using my slight public profile to get attention, but to be honest there's nothing to stop you saying the same thing if you're ever in such a situation. This company take a lot of money from me every month for my phone and regardless of who I am the service should be better than this.
I left the shop, thanking the man for doing his best and apologising for my slight rudeness. He told me that it happens a lot that the people at the UK only call centre think that the people in the shop can do stuff they can't. Maybe they should try putting their call centres on the Indian subcontinent. I have always found the people on those polite, knowledgable and efficient. But it's more important, I suppose, that the company keep closet racists happy.
The woman came back to me a few minutes later and said that even though I was paying monthly for the simcard that iPad contracts like this were dealt with by the pay as you go department. It seems a bit rubbish that none of the people I talked to knew this, or indeed that the computers at O2 are not capable of bringing up all kinds of contracts based on a postcode. I was transferred to another department who quickly and effortlessly terminated my contract.
But if I hadn't acted like a massive prick then I would have been at the bank trying to access some uselss information and this could have dragged on for months. It just shows that it is worth causing a fuss, even if the frustration engendered might take months off your life.
And something to consider if you're buying an iPad this weekend.
I am turning into a consumer champion. Though I seem to be letting the shitty smelling conditioner incident go.
I didn't think I had gigged in Warrington before, but immediately recognised the venue when I arrived. I had been here
just two years ago. Venues and hotels and soap dispensers all blend into one. I remembered sitting in the dressing room here in 2009, writing part of How Not To Grow Up. I had forgotten everything else about the gig.
It was another sell-out tonight and not a bad show, though I had microphone difficulties and was a bit tired. The days and gigs are ticking off quickly enough and as long as people are coming and laughing then nothing else matters too much. I still recall those difficult days of touring to tiny and ambivalent audiences, so am very appreciative of having full rooms to play to (most of the time).
I slept well tonight, though had to wake up to go to the loo in the middle of the night. I reached for the light switch to the bathroom, but it seemed to have disappeared. Finally I realised I was reaching for last night's light switch, which had been on the other side of the door.
And I was very pleased to read the attached review from Father Timothy Liscombe (sorry the photo got cut off by the person who scanned it, your holiness) who you may remember
came to see the show in Chorley. It's a fair and considered response, lacking the hysteria of some of the other Christian missives that I have mentioned. And, of course, he's actually seen the show (even though
Ken Stallard claims to have done so - but funny that he never mentioned all the positive stuff about Jesus isn't it? Or anything from the show that wasn't on the press release). I think any sensible Christian would see my show as at least a springboard to debate and an opportunity to get a discussion about Christianity in the public arena. And would see as Timothy does, that despite the cock jokes I have a lot of respect for Jesus. I have always thought that Stewart Lee will eventually become an archbishop and will have a Damascan style convertion somewhere down the line, but clearly others hope that I might do too. Who knows what the future will bring? Only the Lord our God. Oh my gosh, it's happening already.
