Hello, itÂ’s me, the King of Edinburgh. This is an unofficial title that I decided to bestow on myself in today's
Edinburgh Fringe Podcast partly because I know no one else ever will, but mainly because I think if people begin to refer to me by that moniker (even ironically) it wonÂ’t be long before the name sticks.
“Have you seen the King of Edinburgh?”
“Who is that?”
“Don’t you know? It’s Richard Herring.”
“Oh right. OK, if you say so.”
IÂ’m sure this tactic is the explanation for the success of some of our more notable comics. They started spreading fantastical statements about themselves, which eventually got quoted as fact. So do your bit by only referring to me as the King of Edinburgh from now on. As if thatÂ’s what everyone does and only an idiot wouldnÂ’t know that. If nothing else it will piss off Prince Phillip.
People will all be calling me the King of Edinburgh without knowing where the name started - never suspecting me. Eventually some investigative journalist might start to idly wonder where the nickname began and spend weeks trying to track down the first mention of it, running into dead end after dead end, before thinking of trying google and finding this entry. The truth will break, but by then people will be so convinced of my kingdom that they will be mortified that anyone dare challenge me and will attack and kill the journalist. So if you ARE the journalist and you've just googled that - think about that before you go to press and what happened to the newspaper men who tried to point out that Elvis was not actual a real monarch (you've never heard of them? Exactly).
Although I in no way fully deserve the title, I think I have done enough up here that it would seem believable that I had been dubbed with this epithet, so do do your bit either by word of mouth or on the internet (but do not link to this blog or the game shall be blown before it starts). When I google "King of Edinburgh" in a month, I want to see my name at the top of the list. And whilst for the next few days I expect to see a few knowing mentions, veiled in irony, I am very much looking forward to the first interview where some journo who has only done a minimum of research can say, "So people call you the King of Edinburgh" and I can modestly say, "I don't know how that started. I think that's way over the top. But yes, people do say that about me."
I am guest editing an issue of Fest (which means I am writing an introduction and conducting two interviews) and I called myself "The King of Edinburgh" in that, which does now mean I can put "The King of Edinburgh" Fest on my next year's posters. Already I am one step removed from the crime. Soon all shall call me this and have no idea why. Ha ha ha ha!
Mind you, I think this was the tactic employed by Shane "The Legend" Ritchie. And I don't think that one really worked out.
But maybe the audience at the podcast were won over by the magic and majesty of the name because today was definitely the best Edinburgh podcast yet (though that might have been due to the fact that there were a lot more people in). Tony Law and Chris McCausland were both top value. Tony's beard and moustache are phenomenal. I told him I couldn't concentrate on what he was saying because I was daydreaming about what it must be like to kiss him. I had worried about saying this in case the unpredictable comedian kissed me full on the lips to show me. But when he failed to do so I realised I was disappointed he hadn't. It would have been the perfect excuse for some disguised man love, passed off as a joke. But there was only fear in Tony's eyes as he realised why I had said that and things moved on.
I have a lot to get done this weekend and annoyingly (but probably also luckily) I had slept in til midday today (after waking at 6 and nearly getting up). It meant I had little time to prepare for the show, but also meant I was well rested so it was a good trade off. In between shows I wrote questions for my interviews with the unlikely combo of Barry Cryer and Jerry Sadowitz (very different comics, but still two of my all time favourites) and then I had to dash off into the rain to get to the Cow Barn.
Encouragingly it was another full house (more or less and I think the empty seats might have been people put off by the downpour) and I got a garbled version of the stalker routine in and still came in at an hour (though I am going up a bit late because of the difficulty of getting the audiences in and out of the room).
I feel pretty happy and relaxed about everything. I only need the podcast audiences to increase a little bit, but apart from that it's shaping up to be a very enjoyable Edinburgh. It's a great relief to know that I have a good stand up show and that people want to see it. I am really enjoying bumping into other comedians. I am managing to have a drink without having to get blasted and I get to see my girlfriend every day in our flat fit for Edinburgh royalty. At last it's all going my way. Nothing can possibly go wrong....
