Even with the 100 miles I got under my belt last night, today's drive was a punishing one - my sat nav still insisting that the M5 was closed. But perhaps I am a ghost and thus still able to use it. I felt like a ghost today. Or at least detached from reality.
At least the latter part of the journey was through the stunning countryside of the lake district. It was a sunny spring day and the mountains and the water calmed me and the time and miles passed by.
I was at another Premier Inn - yes there's even one in Whitehaven (or near it), they really are EVERYWHERE - but maybe the management had read my blog because this room had no portrait of crepuscular lollipops (some of you claiming they are trees - as if), although there was something that might have been by the same artist. I forgot to take a photo, but I think there was at least one lollipop/moon on stick and the sun was setting again. The artist obviously knocked off a few one twilight in the land of the lollipops.
I have a stiff neck, I think from my the bed in my new flat in Harpenden and it's making a satisfying crackling noise every time I move it. It hurts a little bit, but the noise more than compensates. It's like someone has injected bubble wrap into the base of my skull.
It wasn't until I stepped out on to the stage at the delightful Rose Hill theatre that I realised quite how much the last few days have affected me though. I was light headed and tired and seriously fearful that I might faint during the performance. There was quite a drop down off the stage too. Again I felt a little ghostly, though my audience seemed able to see and hear me (but then maybe they were ghosts too) and my timing was very slightly off in places, but the crowd didn't seem to notice. For the second night in a row I had a smallish but engaged and enthusiastic crowd, who seemed to appreciate the efforts I had taken to come to their town. I had been slightly dreading this little section of the tour and it has taken its toll, but the last two performances have been some of the most satisfying of the whole tour. I did email the tour booker during the interval to let her know that from now on, whether I have a tour manager or not, I am not going to do any gigs that are more than four hours drive from each other. She has done an amazing job over the last few years and it's not a criticism of her, but I am too old for this shit.
Back to the Premier Inn and I felt blasted. As I parked my car an animal was moving in front of my headlights. It was a sheep on the other side of a fence. That made me smile. I was properly in the countryside. I went for a drink in the pub - there seems to be one attached to all the Premier Inns and they're all the same, and at least at the time I tend to get to them nearly empty. But as a middle aged and exhausted man that suited me. I just wanted a pint of beer, a pack of crisps and to sit on my own.
A couple in the bar had seen the show and were nice enough to buy me my pint and I chatted briefly to the man, before saying that I didn't want to be rude but I needed to wind down on my own. He seemed understanding and I was grateful for the drink.
The pub gradually emptied and I passed the time on Twitter. They were playing 80s music in the bar and Mike and the Mechanics came on, which I thought might be an attempt to clear the pub completely. It was "The Living Years", which is a somewhat mawkish piece that I have joked about in the past. But it made me laugh on this hearing that the chorus starts "Say it loud, say it clear" and then the next line is really pretty hard to distinguish. It could certainly be said a lot clearer. Take your own advice Mike. I have learned never to trust the advice of a mechanic.
The the Police song "The doo doo dah" came on, one of their more childish numbers, which I had forgotten contains the unlikely line, "the logic ties you up and rapes you". In the context of such a stupid song it is an odd and unexpected line and I suggested on Twitter that it is the song where you might least expect to hear thsi line. But then I reconsidered and thought it would be less likely in Happy Birthday or the National Anthem. "Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, the logic ties you up and rapes you, happy birthday to you."
or "God save our gracious queen, long live our noble queen, God save the queen. Send her victorious, happy and glorious, the logic ties you up and rapes you, God save the Queen."
It's a pretty inappropriate line to put in any song, really. But having realised this it made me want to put it into every song. And I think you should do the same. It's a fun pastime.
I enjoyed drinking a pint or two on my own and was glad that no one else was in the pub, which is the sign of either being middle aged or an alcoholic or both. Where once I sought company after gigs to escape the solitude, I now embrace the solitude and eschew the company (if not always the kindness) of strangers. I am very much at home with my own company, which is a good place to be, though Twitter does help I suppose. I miss my girl and sometimes she is a ghost in my bed. Or maybe like Bruce Willis in Sixth Sense (SPOILER ALERT), I am unknowingly a ghost in hers. Maybe from the other side of the looking glass where the living are, the picture of the wall of nearly all Premier Inn rooms makes sense.
