I walked from Shepherd's Bush to Broadcasting House this evening to record a stand up set for Stephen K Amos' Radio 4 show. It only took me 85 minutes and though it was a little bit cold I enjoyed the exercise. London feels like a bigger city than it actually is and I am enjoying getting back into perambulating. We like to think our time is so precious that we have to rush everywhere, but this journey only took me about 50 minutes longer than it would have done if I'd got the train and I burned up 435 calories. I started amongst football fans leaving Loftus Road and ended attempting to make my way through the thronging crowd of Saturday Christmas shoppers on Oxford Street, before sensibly turning left and finding my way through parallel and much less congested streets. I arrived bang on time, feeling limbered up and clear-minded and ready for the gig.
I had to do material about Law and Order for the show (although when I got there I discovered the title was now Crime and Punishment, but luckily that still fitted with what I had prepared). I had a couple of old routines that were good for the subject but had only half-learned them and took my script on with me. I was on earlyish and the audience had seemed up for a laugh for Stephen and Lloyd Langford who was on before me, but they did not warm to me. I was promoting the good points of shoplifting and criticising stupid people who ring 999 for spurious reasons and I guess if you don't know me and aren't aware of my personality these things might seem a bit weird. But when I told them I'd rather someone stamped on a baby's head than stole my phone there were audible gasps of disgust. But I wasn't getting many laughs before that anyway. It wasn't quite a death, but it was my first notable failure at stand up for a good while. In a sense it's a good thing that this can still happen as it's east to get complacent, but I was stumbling over my words and going a bit dry-mouthed and left the stage feeling a little bit empty. But at least it's not like someone was recording the gig and is going to broadcast it to the nation.
I think it might sound better on air than it did on the night and I more or less held it together, but after all the effort of getting there it felt more of a shame to finish with a bitter taste in my mouth. I think you'll be able to listen to it in January. I have never hoped more that the Mayans were right!
I didn't walk home.
