I had an unpleasant drive back through the rain this afternoon, with the journey interrupted by a few minor jams thanks to road works and the occasional accident.
But at least it gave me another group of people to add to my hate list. It's such an obvious target of loathing that I am surprised I haven't thought of them before. But being obvious does not mean they do not deserve my wrath. I think they're even worse than people who come from Banbury, though there is a chance that they could be guilty of this crime and also come from Banbury. I am amazed that they haven't already been hunted down by vigilantes and had their heads made into hats.
A couple of times the fast lane was closed for the road works and signs clearly indicated this for some distance ahead. Most people thus got into the first and second lanes immediately. It's only fair if the fast lane is going to close in 800 metres. It's polite. It's courteous. It's common sense.
Consequently, of course, traffic slowed to a crawl. However, the obviously annoying people are the ones who despite these signs and despite the clear polite queuing of everyone else, will drive as far down the fast lane as they can possibly go, before cutting into the second lane, so they can get home quicker.
It's arrogance of a level that would even make Simon Streeting queasy (and possibly sexually excited).
These people are saying, "Yes, I know we're all in a hurry to get home, but I'm in an especial hurry, being as I am much more important than any of you." It makes me very angry. I am thinking of fixing a cannon to the top of my car and taking these people out if they dare to go past. One driver might go for it, but after that there would be a sudden show of respect from everyone else. In fact I think the cars in front might part to respectfully let me through as well. At the very least I could expect some kind of police escort.
The more annoying people (who probably also deserve to go on my list) are the idiots who let these idiots into the second lane when the fast lane finally runs out. Surely we should have some kind of law and general policy amongst us normal second laners that on these occasions the second lane drives bumper to bumper and refuses to let the potential bargers-in in. This would make sense. It is certainly what I attempt to do.
But some people are such pussies that they willingly wave them in (possibly double flashing their headlights as they do it - which actually makes some kind of sense when traffic is slow moving and gaps are scarce. But not when things are going fast and things could be misinterpreted).
What I considered financing yesterday was a huge metal screen, the length of the motorway, but in 100 metre sections, that bursts out of the dividing lines between the lanes, which would trap the pushers in into a dead end. The screens would stay up for three hours to let the drivers cool off and think about what they had done. A mocking song that I had composed would also be played continually from loud speakers.
Of course the construction of such a system and the operating costs would be prohibitively expensive and also putting these screens into the motorways would cause an awful lot of roadworks and delays. But I think it would be worth it.
I may switch my marathon allegiance from Scope to this new scheme. I think it is more worthy.
But for the moment the money is still going to Scope, so if you don't agree with the switch then make sure you sponsor me quickly.
