Terrible news. Mainly for me admittedly, this probably won't impact on you. The Edinburgh branch of Natwest has got rid of its coin paying in machine. This Fringe I will have to return to the analogue way of paying in my SCOPE money - counting everything up into little bags. I had to do that today in the bank, after queuing for the machine and letting out a little exasperation of disappointment when I realised what had happened. Those Edinburgh Natwesters might think they have done themselves a favour by getting rid of a machine which broke down every day, but when the Fringe comes and they are beset with buskers and Free Fringers and charity raisers bringing in bags of small coinage they are going to rue this day. Not as much as I am going to rue it though - although I do find occasionally doing this manually strangely relaxing and almost fun. But it does take up a lot of time.
It was good to be back in Edinburgh and it's nice to see the City Council are really doing their best to get the new tram line absolutely perfect - they've dug it all up and started again. The lucky citizens here must really appreciate the attention to detail. And it will all be worth the slight hassle of having all their roads dug up for years when they are able to travel the couple of miles that it will encompass in the comfort of a tram. It's not like a couple of buses could have done this job more easily and at a millionth of the cost. I look forward to riding that tram in 2025 when it is complete.
I popped into Marks and Spencer to pick up some food. I was tired and irritable and hungry and thought I'd grab myself something and then eat it in the M & S cafe so I didn't have to go back out in the cold Scotch day. But as I tucked into some thai nibbles a young man came over and told me I could only eat food that I had bought the cafe in the cafe. Even though this cafe was in Marks and Spencer and I had bought my food there. I stared at him angrily. I had just sat down and wasn't keen to move until I was fed. I had been feeling queasy from a glass too much wine last night and my legs ached from having walked up one of the city's hills. I thought about having an argument with the man - I had only bought this food from his shop because I assumed I'd be OK to sit in the cafe (I've done it before) but assumed he was just a jobsworth who would leave me alone if I agreed. So after a moment's baffled silence I used sarcastic chirpiness to say, "All right, that's fine." Then the very second he had turned his back, with haste designed to mock him I opened my packet of food and started eating it. He'd fulfilled his contract and told me off. I reckoned I could get through all the food before security arrived - if he really wanted to take it that far.
But clearly the shop is having some kind of non-cafe food crackdown because within 40 seconds a different employee had come over to tell me I couldn't eat the food in their cafe, even though it was in the shop where I'd bought the food. There were plenty of spare tables for people who were genuine cafe customers so this seemed unnecessarily authoritarian. I didn't want to move. I told her I would tidy up after myself,but she said that wasn't the issue and that it was because legally I would have to pay VAT on any food I ate in the cafe. I was so reluctant to move I was considering offering to pay the VAT, but she told me that there was another seating area in the store where people could sit and eat food they'd bought in the supermarket. It would have been nice if the other guy had mentioned this. But she was doing a much better job of shepherding me out, offering to show me where it was.
I was too weary to question why I could sit in this other part of the same shop and not be subject to VAT,especially when it turned out the other seating area was also a small cafe. But I wasn't in the mood to make any more of a scene, as much as I would liked to have made the kind of protest that hasn't been seen since Rosa Park (though that comparison is slightly demeaning to the struggle against inequality that I was facing today). I ate my nibbles, realising halfway through the dim sum that they were actually things that were supposed to be cooked first. Ah well. One day Marks and Spencer I will make you pay for the injustice you have caused me.
I didn't manage to fill the relatively small Stand One tonight, but about 100 people turned up and again showed me that size isn't important, especially in this brilliant venue for comedy. It was great to have the audience so close and they were a joy from start to finish. It was a lot more informal than the theatre gigs and I relaxed and chatted with the audience and veered off script. These two gigs in Scotland have been amongst the highlights of the tour for me. Which is good, because it'd be a long way to come to have some shit gigs and then be thrown out of Marks and Spencer.
