CNPS numbers spotted 30 (961). I'm a record breaker! The best daily total yet. Should I be proud of this? Clearly not. For the first time in ages my extensive notes came into their own and three jaunts throughout the day resulted in a bumper crop of numbers that makes my job look a whole lot easier. And I could have carried on, but had work to do, so hopefully tomorrow will be equally fruitful. Life is good. Though I may have to choose between finishing CNPS and finishing the show. I know which one I think is more important.
I have been trying to work out why this game has taken on so much importance in my life. Much of it is to do with the fact that it is the back-bone of my new show and it will make for a much better conclusion if I finish in time. But then I played it for over 14 months before I knew I was going to inflict it on the public (I don't include you lot in that - the public don't look at the internet).
Like many things in this show CNPS is obviously an attempt to conquer a demon of childhood. It was a game I played as a kid and then gave up on and now as an adult I am trying to prove I am better than the 10 year old me. As with the lessons learnt from my tennis match it's not like it's hard to work out that on the whole I am better now. So why is it so important to me, to put myself through what is essentially a tedious, stupid and insane experience to prove it? There are days when the game has made me so depressed that I felt like killing myself and days, like today, when it can ridiculously boost my mood. It shouldn't do. What I'm doing is not admirable in any way. Well perhaps you can admire my commitment, but when you remember what the commitment is to then the admiration surely has to ebb away.
I feel that I have a good chance of finishing this before the end of July (Hell if tomorrow goes as well as today I'll only be eight numbers from the end). I wonder how it will feel when it is finally over. I wonder if I will be able to stop looking at number-plates. I wonder if I'll miss it.
I sort of wonder whether finishing CNPS will mark the end of my childhood (I know it's a bit late, but I don't have to tell you that I am retarded).
Maybe it is time. Perhaps I should get a job in a bank. Do they need people to write about cocks? That's all I can do.
I'm still allowed to be childish. There's 38 numbers to go.
