Despite fears of an embarrassingly low audience, a late surge on tickets brought numbers up to a respectable level. I by no means filled the 417 seat New Ambassador's theatre, but the lower level was pretty packed and though the top two tiers were empty, no-one could see that. I considered pretending that they were full and addressing the imaginary punters to make the real people think that I was more popular than I was - you know pointing up at the balconies and saying, "You know what I'm talking about don't you mate?" But comedy is all about truth. And regular readers will know that I cannot tell a lie. Yes, that's right. I really think all that stuff I said about war memorials. Obviously I did. Only someone who was incredibly stupid could believe otherwise. Not that there's anything wrong with being stupid. Keep those cheques rolling in now.
As I had always suspected it was great to do this show knowing that I didn't have to pack it all into an hour. I was able to slow down and digress and ride the laughs and mess about. It was terrific fun. I added back in some of the personal stories and routines that I'd had to cut for time and things were definitely improved.
But it's been three weeks since I've done the show and I had been too lazy to rehearse it properly and sometimes my brain was struggling to remember what came next. I lost my thread a couple of times after I'd ad libbed some new bits. When you've done a show a few times it all gets connected in your head, a bit like the way an army of ants will almost magically march the same path time and time again. But when you put a barrier in the way or taint the chemical trail the ants are suddenly confused and lost and don't know where they are. Which is OK if you are an ant. You are an insect and thus free from the debilitating force of embarrassment. But if you are a man and standing on stage in front of 150 people (and another 250 imaginary people) then it can make you squirm a bit. On the plus side if you are a man on a stage, it is very unlikely that a 10 year old boy will use a giant magnifying glass and the power of the sun to cause you to spontaneously combust and frazzle into a little black ball of nothingness, highlighting your essential worhtlessness. So it's really swings and roundabouts. On balance I think I'd rather be the man on stage.
Tonight affirmed to me after a week of self-doubt, that the show is good and I am OK at this job. It would be a shame if nothing more comes of it. When I started in Edinburgh it was literally a week since some of the things I was talking about had happened. Now I have a bit more distance from the events and have had time to think about them I think the piece can only improve.
I talked to the impossibly inspirational and wise Martin Cross (our coach from the Other Boat Race) after the show and it was interesting to see how much he'd got out of it. I kind of hope the audience will read between the lines and think about the themes of the show, which are rarely actually expressed, but most of the reviewers in Edinburgh seemed to miss out on this. Martin was so perceptive about this that he made me remember many things that I had wanted to talk more about in the preview stage, but which there hadn't been time for.
One of the dichotomies of the show is the fact that on the one hand I am saying that we are in control of our own lives and that there are no gods (or fate) controlling things for us, but on the other that if I hadn't half-believed in the number-plate gods then I wouldn't have done all these things and I wouldn't have made myself feel better. There is also the unspoken consequence that by the end of all this the Hercules house that inspired my adventures turned from a millstone round my neck to a positive thing in my life. By going out and doing this stuff I began to view my life (mainly) positively again. I think I can incorporate these ideas into the show a bit more clearly, but it really makes me think there is a great book in this show as well. At the moment there is no interest in that idea from any publishers, but I might just write it anyway. I could always just put it up on here for your idiots if nothing else.
It was amazing to be playing a big West End theatre and I hope that at some point I will have enough support to do a proper run of one of my shows in such an environment, with an audience composed of mainly real rather than fictional persons. I think it's a long way down the line, but even though my confidence took a bit of a shake in Edinburgh this year I realise the only way for that to happen is to keep working at it.
As I should have learned from my own show, it is easy to blame outside forces when stuff doesn't go your way, but at the end of it all you are in control. Sitting around at home playing on the internet isn't going to help me. I really need to start again now and push myself and make sure I work as hard as possible.
It must be quite a good show. I've seen it about 35 times and it's still inspiring me!
